“You make it sound like you’re damaged goods, but you’re not.” I scoot a little closer, and his touch moves up my inner thigh the skinniest inch. “I have hated you, wondered what Dominic saw in you as a friend—or even as a human on occasion—and cursed your name dozens of times. But I’ve also seen you be loyal and kind, helpful and caring ... just not to me. That hurt, but now I understand.” I tilt my head, thinking. “Though I still have to process all that now that I know why you’ve treated me the way you have. The point is, there’s a good person in there.” I point at his chest, barely touching him, and he grabs my hand, desperately pressing my palm over his heart. I can feel thethud-thud-thudpounding beneath the muscle.
“I really don’t want to fuck this up, Penny. Please don’t let me fuck this up, okay?” he begs. I don’t think I ever considered that a man like Griffin, with his size and reputation as the fists-first type, would beg for anything, so that he does it for me gives me a heady sense of power. It’s a feeling I haven’t had before with him, and I think ... I like it. “I’m risking everything here, for you, because you’re worth it. Just don’t let me ruin it.” He shoots me a glance filled with promises and hopes, like my eternal optimism has rubbed off on him.
“I’m definitely worth it.” I take my hand back, patting my own chest proudly. His lips lift the tiniest bit into what is technically a smile. Well, the beginning of one anyway. “But I’m risking my heart, one you’ve spent five years bruising, so make sure you’re worth it. Or it won’t be Dominic you’ll have to fear. It’ll beme.” I want to set that expectation up front. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know what I won’t do, and that’s let Griffin backslide into bad behavior. Not a single time.
He nods solemnly, taking that vow seriously.
“What do we do now?” I whisper, hoping he has a clue, because I sure don’t.
Is everything fixed? No. Of course not. But I can recognize that what Griffin’s shared with me today is big, and I’m willing to forgive the other day as momentary postorgasmic panic because I was doing a fair amount of panicking myself too.
The last five years is another subject, though. Even understanding why Griffin acted the way he did, I’d be stupid not to recognize the red flags. He’s been wounded, and I’m not in a position to play nurse to a wounded heart and soul that may be beyond healing. I can’t allow myself to be sucked into a toxic relationship, even if Griffin isn’t guilty of causing his own toxicity. But he deserves a chance, at least that’s what my heart’s telling me.
Just a cautious one.
“I was thinking I still owe you an apology.” His eyes darken and his voice goes husky and rough. “A very long, detailed one outlining all my mistakes and correcting each and every time I made you feel ... Howdid you put it? Invisible and annoying?” He stands, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet.
“That’s a lot of apologizing,” I tease, flirting my ass off because seductive Griffin is doing strange things to my belly. And lower. Things asshole Griffin never did.
He cups my face in his big hands, lifting my eyes to his so I can see the genuine truth shining there as he says, “Penny, you have never been invisible to me. You’re the only damn thing I see most of the time. And the only thing annoying about you is that I haven’t been able to touch you. But I will apologize as long as you need me to and as many times as you want to make up for each and every time I hurt you.”
I’m not 100 percent sure about this. I’m a strong 69—ha ha!—percent at best. There’s a lot of history between Griffin and me, but also, it feels like I just met the real Griffin Mahoney. And while he’s throwing around words likelove, I understand that it’s not that deep yet, because for all he knowsof me, he doesn’t knowme. But he wants to. And I want to know more of this Griffin, the man who has been cruel in a twisted attempt to be kind. The Griffin who was misguidedly protecting me from himself. The Griffin who is willing to bare his soul, however dark and damaged it might be. The Griffin who has been unwaveringly at my side through my latest catastrophe, showing up and having my back even as I do stupid, sketchy things while never once calling me out or blaming me for the situation. The Griffin who makes the noise in my head, that’s always so very loud, simply cease to exist with his touch.
This isn’t what we should be doing. He has a game to prep for, and I have a performance to get ready for. Most importantly, this is too new, too fresh and confusing. But good decisions and responsible living are boring, especially compared to Griffin Mahoney offering to make me come multiple times.
So while it might not be the best plan, I make a choice for myself. Selfishly wanting the world to fall away and to fall into the arms of the one man who can make that happen, and knowing it might makeeverything worse, but hoping it makes things better, I ask, “What time do you have to be at the arena today?”
“I was supposed to be there thirty minutes ago. Coach has been blowing up my phone. But this conversation is more important than that.”
“Than hockey?” I shout, dumbfounded. Then I start shoving him toward the door. “Oh my God! You have to go!”
He grins, catching my hands to stop me, though my puny pushes weren’t moving him at all. “More important than anything.”
That’s ridiculous. Hockey is Griffin’s life.
His mouth finds mine, and he nips at my lip like he’s trying to make sure I’m real. And I feel it ... I feel important. This moment feels important. Like the start of something big.
Chapter 21
Griffin
“Mahoney! Where the hell have you been?” Coach bellows through the locker room, overwhelming every other conversation and plunging the whole space into silence. He’s not a yeller, so I’ve obviously severely pissed him off by showing up late and missing his pregame pep talk.
All my teammates studiously focus on their skates and sticks, trying to stay out of the line of fire. Even Brody stays mostly silent, just quietly humming, “Dum-dum-dum-dummm,” under his breath to mourn my impending demise.
“Got caught up in something. I’m here now.” I’m not even half dressed yet, still working my socks over my shin guards with my pants sitting on the bench beside me.
“We’ll talk about this more later,” Coach says, clearly pissed, “but for now, get ready to play. You don’t have time to screw around.”
That conversation is not going to end well. Coach is clear on expectations, and I just shit all over them. But I had to. I was not going to cut that conversation short for anything. The game could’ve started, and I would’ve still been sitting with Penny, if that’s what it took for her to give me a shot.
As soon as Coach disappears back into his office, Dominic appears, looming over me in his full gear minus his skates. “I told you to wait till after the playoffs to figure out your shit with this girl.”
He’s making an educated guess, because I sure as hell haven’t told him where I was or why I was late. “Later,” I declare. “We need to focus on the game.”
He huffs out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, you seem focused as fuck, asshole.”
I’m not. Not at all. I feel lighter than I have in years. Maybe lighter than I’ve ever been. I feel like my conversation with Penny healed some shit that’s been tearing me up inside my entire life, and that kiss goodbye promised a bright future I’ve only ever dreamed of.
