Good lord,she nearly said. “You can hardly control the beat of your heart, sir,” she said curtly. When she tried to pull her hand away, his grip tightened and he brought her hand to his lips, kissing knuckles. She wanted to pull away.
“Margaret, you know I lost my darling wife two years ago. My heart broke from loneliness. I was sure I would never find a worthy helpmate again. But there you were, my dear cousin, a lantern shining in my time of darkness, offering me generous friendship and succor. You have come to mean a great deal to me, though we were cousins and friends before.”
“I have been grateful for your guidance, Roderick. When my grandfather left his estate to me, I felt lost, confused, and overwhelmed. I appreciated your advice as a member of the bank’s board, and your wife was kind to bring me into social circles. That made all the difference when I first inherited. But—but it was natural between cousins to be friends, though we saw little of each other in our youth. I am—glad to call you a friend.”
“More than friends now. Fair Lady Strathlin, my dear cousin and now—I can hardly express to you how happy I am that you will be my wife.”
She stared up at him. “Sir, I never said so.”
“Do not be coy,” he said, smiling. “I am several years older than you, my dear, so allow me to guide you. I know you are enamored and do not know quite how to say you have accepted. I see it in your eyes. In your invitation here. In your offer to give me a room in your house. Near your own room. Perhaps—I should be so bold—as to take it.”
“Roderick,” she said firmly, pulling back, “I have not consented to marriage.”
“Now we see the temper! So charming. You do enjoy a game. Well, so do I.” His smile and his obstinance gave her chills. “I asked you—twice, I believe—to marry me, and you agreed in a letter.”
“Sir, if you read the letter, I refused you.”
“‘My dear Sir Roderick,’ you wrote, ‘I am honored by your affection and would be equally honored to be your wife.’”
“I said I would be honored to be your wifebut—”she ground out.“But,I fear it is not possible. Did you read the entire letter?”
“Come now. You did not mean it. It was coyness. Feminine wiles and charm.”
“I refused you then, and I refuse you now. I am sorry if you are a little blind to that. We are not engaged. And please do not tell others that we are. It is not true.”
“Not true yet,” he said blithely.
“It never will be true.”
“Not yet,” he said stubbornly. “Tell me, my dear. That little boy…” He turned to look back at Sean, who had stopped to pile up a little hill of sand and kick it into fine sprays. “Is he your son?”
She stared at him. The blood left her face, leaving her cold. “My… what?”
“Your son. He looks like you. I know you have a child.”
“Who told you such a thing?”
“Walk with me.” He tucked her hand in his elbow again. Stunned, she walked beside him, her heart slamming in fear.
“I met a man not long ago,” he said. “A pleasant fellow, especially when he was in his cups. A doctor, and he told me over some fine whisky, that he had attended Lady Strathlin when she first inherited her fortune. A very nice fellow,” he said, smiling. “But he ran into some problems with his finances, poor man. He said the lady fell ill, and he had attended her several times. Do you know what he told me, Margaret?” He stopped again and turned to look down at her, her hand imprisoned in his arm. She could feel the hard, stringy muscle beneath his coat.
“Wha-what?” But she knew. She remembered the doctor that her friend Angela Shaw had insisted she see when her stomach did not agree with her and she had felt faint and nauseated daily for the first few months of the pregnancy she had tried valiantly to hide.
This doctor, an older man with a mild manner, told her that she was suffering from a common female condition—she already knew she was pregnant—and that his advice was to take care of herself, and take care to hide her condition. He had warned her to avoid becoming overwrought by her new responsibilities, and told her to take a long holiday among close family for several months on the excuse of her health. He had looked at her pointedly before leaving.
You are about to have a child, madam, as an unmarried lady in a prominent position. So it is my opinion that you should retreat and keep this quiet until you are married.
Somehow, Roderick Matheson had coaxed the truth out of that doctor years later.
She faced him. “What did he say?” she repeated. She had to know.
“That Lady Strathlin would have a child by now, probably a healthy child, and would have had that child in the monthsfollowing her inheritance of her grandfather’s fortune. He guessed that when she became Baroness Strathlin, she was already with child. And not married.” He gazed down at her.
The sudden pounding in her head was so fierce that she thought she might faint. She watched Sean play on the beach, watched, far in the distance, the harbor where a few men stood in a cluster and talked. She saw Dougal Stewart standing tall among the other men. She wanted to run to the safety of his arms.
But she stood still, frozen in place. He was too far away to hear or to help. And he must never learn about this conversation.
“Well, my dear?” Roderick murmured. “You cannot deny it.”
