This entire conversation is completely surreal.Okay, Koen. This is what adulting is like. Suck it up and talk with your alphas.
It’s like when you have a really hot one night stand and you realize your life has been planned from it. Except instead, fate is guiding you around by the nose while you try to ignore it by being a dick and using a scent blocking cream.
Ugh, I’m such an idiot.
“I feel…positive about kids,” I squeak out. “What about our jobs?”
“We can get a really incredible traveling nanny who can be with us full time while we’re training and playing. People make it work all the time,” Skylar says. “With the money the three of us make, there’s no excuse for us not to be able to have everything we want.”
“That doesn’t mean we’ll let you pay for much,” Rhodes warns. “We’re stubborn like that.”
I wisely shove more food into my mouth so it’ll stay busy.
“Don’t think I didn’t notice what you just did,” Rhodes teases me. “I felt you wanting to say something.”
“This is a lot for someone who doesn’t discuss their feelings or well anything,” I admit.
“I’ll try not to call you out unless it’s something that’s making me insane,” Rhodes says. “I hate being hungry, and you didn’t eat anything today.”
“I tend to hyperfixate until nothing else exists except for what I’m doing. I’m a terrible omega, and everything I’ve ever done since presenting has evolved around hiding my designation,” I say honestly.
Glancing at my food distrustfully, I wonder if it’s possible to inject truth serum into it. Fuck, I’m being ridiculous.
“Why is that? Did something happen?” Skylar asks, his blue eyes threatening to stare into my soul.
“Like what?” I ask, confused.
“You don’t like the locker room,” Rhodes presses, and my stomach begins to hurt for an entirely different reason. “Sky and I keep wondering if something bad happened there.”
My anxiety is a huge asshole, but at least I’m done with my food. Now, to ensure I can make it through this conversation without puking. I’m not the type anymore to fuck and not have it mean something. It’s why I’ve practically become a priest outside of masturbating for the past year.
Meaningless sex got old quickly.
“Not everyone enjoys changing in front of other people,” I say, watching as Skylar fills a glass with water and ice. I was so hungry, I didn’t even notice I didn’t have anything to wash it down with.
“I’m going to ask, because it’s been making Rhodes and I crazy. Have you ever been assaulted before, Koen?” he asks, placing the glass carefully on the island. It’s as if he’s worried he might throw it instead, and I can feel his anger.
“What? No, I haven’t,” I say, shaking my head. “The fear of it remains, though. It’s why I’m in and out as quickly as possible. I’ve played with these guys for two years, I trust them as much as I trust anyone. I know they have my back, but it’s hard to get this little voice to shut up in the back of my mind.”
Instead of being condescending, Rhodes’ brows draw down as he leans against the island and waits.
“Whose voice?” Skylar growls. He sounds as if he’d like to kill the voice, which is something I’ve wanted to do for years.
Unfortunately, my brain is simply a dickhead inspired by a coach I had as a kid. I’m so glad the bond doesn’t seem to have mind reading involved or I’d be fucked.
“It’s something that grew from a conversation I had as a kid,” I hedge. “Now it’s become a paranoid asshole that fuels my anxiety.”
“What was the conversation about?” Skylar asks.
“And who was it with?” Rhodes adds.
Man, private space doesn’t exist for these two because they keep getting closer as they ask their very intense questions.
“My parents were all in when they found out I loved hockey,” I explain. “If there was a clinic or camp they found, they’d pick up extra work so they could afford to send me. My mother was a waitress up until I was in high school, and then she found a front desk job. My dad also was promoted so things would be easier once I was in high school, but they didn’t get home until late. I walked or took the bus whenever possible.”
I’m killing time and it shows. Fuck. My alphas also know what I’m doing and their displeasure makes itself known in theform of growls. I can smell something burning and a sour scent of pineapple.
I’m in deep shit.
