I nod, grateful and embarrassed at the same time, and take the seat next to him. The rest of the group continues without me. Skeet throws himself into the next scene with his usual bubbly chaos, making everyone laugh. I watch him, trying to absorb some of that easy joy, but my mind keeps drifting.
Back to high school. Back to Joe…
Joe was handsome in that clean-cut way—straight-A student, captain of the debate team, the kind of boyfriend who brought flowers on anniversaries and planned cute study dates.
Now he works in investment banking somewhere in the financial district.
Successful. Stable. Normal.
If we had stayed together, or if I reached out to him now, my life would probably be a lot simpler. No mysterious older men with dark secrets. No spankings in parks. No waking up aching and rock-hard and wondering if the man I can’t stop thinking about is even still alive.
But deep down I know the truth.
Joe couldneverdo to me what Kirill does.
Joe could never make me feel small and safe and wildly turned on all at once. He could never look at me with that commanding intensity that turns my knees to jelly. He could never make me drop to my knees in an alley or spank me until I’m dripping and desperate.
Joe was safe.
Comfortable. Predictable.
And that’s cool, and I’m sure he’ll make someone a perfect husband. But not me.
Kirill is fire and danger and the most addictive thing I’ve ever tasted. And that’s the trouble. Even thinking about that now is making me feel all hot.
Fortunately, I’m broken out of my thoughts when Dermott gently touches my shoulder…
“Alright, Teddy, break over,” Dermott says, his voice full of warmth. “Rejoin the group.Relax. Let your emotions flow through the scene instead of fighting them. Use them.”
I nod, stand up, and step back onto the stage.
This time when the scene starts, I stop trying to push the worry away. I let it fuel me. The anxiety, the longing, the confusion, I channel all of it into my character, a young dude who’s secretly in love with someone he knows is bad for him. My lines come out raw and real. The group responds, the energy shifting. Skeet gives me a proud little grin mid-scene.
When the exercise ends, Dermott nods approvingly. “Better.Muchbetter.”
After class, Skeet links his arm through mine and drags me to the little café around the corner that does amazing smoothies and protein bowls.
“Spill,” Skeet says the second we sit down with our orders, green smoothie with extra spirulina for me, berry blast with added collagen for him. “You were off tonight. And don’t give me the ‘I’m fine’ line. I knowthatface.”
I poke at the granola on top of my bowl, suddenly not very hungry.
“It’s Kirill,” I admit quietly. “I haven’t heard from him in two days. After everything that happened… nothing. I’m worried. Confused. Anxious. It’s messing with my training, my classes, everything.”
Skeet’s eyes soften. “Hey, come on… do you even know what he does? Like, really? Because the way you talk about him, it sounds intense. Hot as hell, but intense.”
“I don’t,” I say, my voice small. “That’s the problem. He told me his life isn’t safe or normal. That he makes difficult decisions. But he wouldn’t say more. For my safety, apparently. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that he isn’t a realtor or barista.”
Skeet stirs his smoothie slowly. “So… do you want the drama? Is it worth it? Because you’re glowing when you talk about him, but you also look like you haven’t slept properly in days.”
I stare at my bowl, the colorful fruits blurring a little.
“I honestly don’t know,” I whisper. “Part of me wants to run. The sensible part. The part that remembers I have rent to pay and auditions to crush and a normal life to build. But the other part… the part that lights up when he calls me his boy or spanks me or carries me up the stairs… that part doesn’t want to let go.”
Skeet reaches across the table and squeezes my hand.
“You don’t have to decide tonight,” Skeet says, his eyes looking into mine. “But you do have to decide eventually. Just… be careful, okay? I love you, and I want you happy. Whether that’s with the mysterious hot Daddy or with someone simpler.”
I nod, forcing a smile. “I know. Thank you.”
