Something in my stomach dropped hard, violent enough to make me dizzy. He was going to fucking kill me tonight.
My jaw went slack as I looked up at him again, searching his face for any hint that he was messing with me. Nothing. Justthat same openness that had been there ever since he got the call about his dad. Hell—since I came to Madrid.
“Oh,” I breathed. “So you did lose your mind.”
Sebastian let out a light chuckle. But there was a slight tremble to it. Because of how fucking huge this was. This admission.
“Didn’t lose it,” he said. “The opposite, if we’re being honest.”
I looked around the room, pulling air into my lungs and trying to understand what any of this meant. “Explain,” was what I landed on, taking a few steps away from him. Away from him and that box.
Sebastian’s eyes went unbearably soft, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to listen to him through the frantic beating of my heart.
“When I left,” he said, “it fucking hurt like hell. Being without you.”
Heat gathered behind my eyes. I blinked hard.
“But we were still talking. Even if we weren’t together, you weren’t completely gone from my life. Until…”
“You stopped,” I finished for him.
He nodded. “Henny told me it was hurting you. That you never left your apartment. That you were glued to your phone, waiting.” He gave a humorless laugh. “He said I looked miserable too. I probably did.”
The space between us went quiet.
“When things were really done,” he went on, “it got worse. And I just… knew.”
“Knew what?”
He gave me a sad smile. “I already knew you meant the world to me, my darling. I loved you back then, even if I was too much of a coward to say it out loud. I felt it.”
Every muscle in my body tightened once more. Bracing.
“But when I felt your loss,” he continued, “I knew there was no one else. It was you, irrevocably, for the rest of my life.” He nodded at the box. “That’s when I got it—made a plan.”
The burn in my eyes intensified. “You were with someone else.” My voice came out small. I couldn’t make it anything else. “You’ve been with other people. You told me that.”
“I was,” he said. “But they knew too. Luca knew.”
“What?”
“I told him we could have exclusivity, but it was never going to be long-term. That I couldn’t give him my heart, because it already belonged to someone else.”
My chest twisted painfully. “Why didn’t you break up with him then?”
“Because I’m an idiot,” he said, shifting his weight on his feet. “I convinced myself that if we were going to happen, it had to be done properly. Because things with you were… bigger than anything else.” He paused. “You were never temporary to me. I just kept waiting for the right moment. For my life—for yours—to be arranged in a way that made sense. It took realizing how quickly everything can change to understand that I might lose you. I wasn’t willing to keep waiting.”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t make sense.”
Sebastian stepped closer, closing the distance like he couldn’t help himself. “Darling, our relationship is complicated. It was even more so back then. But the things that kept us apart are still an issue now.”
I frowned, brain scrambling to keep up. “Are you talking about my age?”
“Yes.”
My mouth pulled downward.
“And before you tear me apart for it, remember—you werenineteen, Ethan. You were just starting your life. You still are.”
