“Oh, you’re not?” I crossed my arms.
The small curve of his mouth faded. “Are you mad at me?”
“Yes!” My arms dropped, frustration spilling over. “Of course I’m fucking mad at you.”
He looked completely crestfallen as he moved closer. “Why?”
I stepped back. “Because you’re doing that thing again. You’re pushing me back.”
“Darling—when? We talk every day. When have I pushed you back?” His gaze roamed my face like he was trying to catch whatever he’d missed. “Is this because of tonight?”
“Tonight and every other day since you’ve been back.”
His eyes widened. “What?”
I exhaled hard.
“What did I do?” he asked, keeping his voice soft. “Just help me understand?—”
“You won’t have sex with me.”
Silence fell heavy between us.
We stared at each other. I could hear my pulse in my ears as I waited for him to deny it. Admit it.Something.
Instead, his lips twitched.
“Don’t you fucking laugh at me, Sebastian Langley.”
He inhaled sharply, pressing his lips together. “I’m not. I promise I’m not—it’s just…”
“What?”
His hands went to his hips like he needed something to do with the impulse, mouth fighting another smile. “I’ve been back for less than a week.”
“Yeah, but we hadn’t seen each other for two,” I said. “And four fucking years before that. You’ve been sex-starved since I met you, and now suddenly you’re the most patient man alive? Out of nowhere?”
He tried to smother it. Failed. A breath of laughter escaped.
“Don’t fucking laugh!”
He dragged his hand over his face, covering his mouth. “I’m sorry, darling.” He shook his head, but that stupid glint was still in his eyes. “I am turning forty next year. Have you factored that into your equation?”
“Don’t be cute with me,” I said. “This distance—it’s not you. And we haven’t even talked about what’s going on with us, and now you don’t even want me?—”
The humor vanished from his face cleanly. “I don’t want you?” he repeated, disbelief raw in his voice.
“What the hell am I supposed to think?”
“Not that. Neverthat.” His tone softened, urgent now. “Ethan, I love?—”
“Yeah, so you’ve said. But we’re still hiding. Everything is behind closed doors. It’d be very easy to pretend it never happened like that, wouldn’t it?”
His lips parted like I’d physically winded him.
“So what is this?” I demanded, throwing my hands up. “If you’re not pushing me back, then what are we doing? Because you change your mind constantly, you don’t talk to me, and I’m tired of guessing—tired of being fed scraps?—”
“Scraps?”
