Understanding Damiano’s world was impossible before I witnessed its harsh reality for myself. I’ve been kidding myself until now that I knew how it worked.
I lie in the bath until the water grows cold around me. Lina comes with the hot chocolate and leaves it on the floor next to the tub. The next set of footsteps that disturb my silence are heavier and I know even before I open my eyes that Damiano is standing over me.
His jacket is gone. He's wearing a fresh shirt and trousers, no tie. I almost laugh at the absurdity of noticing something so trivial at a time like this. I just watched a man die and I’m thinking about my husband’s clothes.
"Are you all right?" he asks.
"No."
He reaches for me and I pull back sharply, splashing water over the edge of the tub. His shoulders sag. He’s never given in to me so easily before.
"You need to get out of the tub, dolcezza. Lina says you've been in there for more than an hour."
"Fine. Pass me a towel."
He does as I ask. I stand and take the white fluffy towel from him and wrap it around myself.
"I saw what you did," I say as he reaches for another towel to dry the ends of my hair. "On the street. I saw your face. You didn't even blink."
He looks at me for a moment as if trying to work out what the problem is, then nods.
"I did what was necessary."
"I know." It's not what he did but how he did it, and I'm not in the mood to explain that to him. "I need a minute."
He steps out of my way and I return to the bedroom. None of my things are here. I want to lie down but I'd prefer not to sleep naked.
"Could you fetch me some pajamas?" I ask.
Damiano nods and leaves the room. I sink onto the edge of the bed.
I don't know how I feel. The dominant emotion is sadness, I think. Not for the people who attacked us. They tried to kill us and we fought back. Not even entirely for myself, for witnessing something nobody should ever have to see. I'm sad because the illusion has been shattered. Somehow I convinced myself there was a sort of heroism in what Damiano does, a code that made it bearable. I romanticized it. Today I looked behind the veil and I didn't like what I saw. That's as much my fault as anyone's.
I look up when Damiano comes into the room. He holds out my pink pajamas and a pair of white cotton underwear I didn't ask for.
It's that small thoughtfulness that finally cracks me open. Tears rack my body. I cry until it hurts and Damiano holds me through all of it, saying nothing, which is exactly right.
When I'm done, he helps me dress and get into bed. He tucks me in and takes the seat by the window.
"Sleep," he says. "I'll keep you safe."
Despite everything I’ve seen today, I believe him. He’d burn the world for me. I’m just not sure I want him to.
TWENTY-TWO
Damiano
I'm standingat the window in one of the guest bedrooms when Lorenzo's car pulls up outside. While Violetta continues to sleep in her old room, I don't wish to return to my own.
Despite sleeping in that bed alone for years, I find I'm not comfortable there without her. It would be like pretending everything is normal and it isn't. Until Violetta returns to me it won't be the same again.
I watch as Lorenzo gets out of the car, a surprisingly sensible Audi Q7 that speaks of the change in his character. Under Lucia's influence, my brother appears to be growing up. He no longer hits the clubs to flirt with women until dawn, or tears through the city in whatever sports car is flavor of the month. He spends most of his time at the vineyard now, absorbed in his expansion plans.
Since he did the deal with Violetta's grandfather he's found a renewed focus. He's pouring all of his energy into building a future for himself and the woman by his side.
When he first showed an interest in Lucia I discouraged him, thinking she would bring trouble. I was wrong. She's good for him in the way Violetta was good for me, until she saw what I'm truly capable of.
Lorenzo jogs around the front of the car to the passenger side and helps Lucia out. He says something that makes her slap his chest and they both laugh. He puts his hand at the small of her back as they walk to the door.
