“I meant what I said last night,” I started. “About everything.”
His expression softened. “Okay.”
I turned my head to look at him. “When you said you didn’t want to hide me, that meant the world to me. You finally said the words I’d wanted to hear years ago.”
He exhaled slowly. “I should’ve done it that night.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t sugarcoat it. “You should’ve.”
He didn’t flinch or argue.
“But this is different,” I added.
He tilted his head. “Different how?”
I pushed myself up. “Because this time, it’s my call too.”
He sat up as well, close but not touching me.
“I’ve been living here. Training here. These guys”—I gestured vaguely toward the rest of the house—“they don’t know shit about me. Not like that.”
“You mean about you being gay?”
“Yeah.”
“You think they’d care?” he questioned.
I shrugged. “I’m not sure, and it doesn’t really matter. What matters is I haven’t had to deal with it yet, and I’m not sure I’m ready for all of that just because we hooked up.”
He balked. “It was more than just hooking up.”
A frown crossed my face. I didn’t mean to downplay what had happened. “You’re right. It’s definitely more than that. I just need a little time to wrap my head around everything.”
“You’re not regretting anything though, right?”
I could understand why he might be worried about that. We’d gone from barely speaking to each other to declarations of love in what some might see as a short amount of time. But I’d fallen for Rowan Cross years ago, so it didn’t feel like a sudden change to me.
“No. That’s not what this is. I spent four years pissed off at you for making me feel like I only mattered when no one was looking. I’m not about to turn around and do that to you,” I explained. “But neither of us got a say when that asshole walked in on us. This time, I want going public to be on our terms.”
He nodded slowly. “That’s fair.”
Relief flowed through me, and I was glad I hadn’t completely fucked this up. “Besides, sneaking around with you was always fun,” I teased with a wink.
He laughed. “True. Although, trying to keep you quiet was a challenge.”
I snorted. “Like I was the only one.”
He scooted closer and reached for my hand. “We’ll take it at your pace. Whatever you need.”
“And you’re okay with that?” I asked, needing the reassurance.
“Yeah.” I sensed no hesitation on his part. “I already know what it feels like to do the wrong thing and lose you. I’m not doing that again.”
“Good.”
We were silent for a few moments, but then my thoughts drifted back to the night before and what he’d said.
You’re the only one I’ve ever…
