He led me to his bed and pulled the blankets over both of us, and kept an arm wrapped around me as we lay facing each other.
I didn’t say thank you.
I just snuggled into him, and sleep finally came.
The next evening,I was back in Rowan’s room, not wanting to sit at my house with memories of my dad hovering around every corner.
Rowan was sitting at his desk, swiveling in his chair as he talked about some flight simulator game that had just come out, but I wasn’t really listening. I was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, letting the low rumble of his voice wash over me. It was the only thing in my life that felt normal at the moment.
“… and then you can customize the cockpit. How cool is that?” he asked, but when he didn’t get a response, he paused. “Keaton?”
I turned my head to look at him. “Sorry. What?”
He stopped spinning, his expression full of compassion that felt both strange and entirely welcome. It was exactly what I needed right then. “You don’t have to apologize. You don’t have to talk at all, if you don’t want to.”
I pushed myself up onto my elbows. “But I want to. I want to think about something else. Anything else.” I wanted to feel something other than the confusing knot of grief and guilt that had taken up residence in my chest.
He got up and came over to the bed, sitting on the edge near my feet. “We can do whatever you want.”
The words hung in the air between us.
Whatever you want.
My gaze fell to his lips. I sat up completely to close the small gap between us. “This is what I want,” I whispered, and then kissed him.
Neither of us held back. His lips were soft yet firm against mine, matching my intensity with his own. His hands rose andhis thumbs gently stroked my jawline as he deepened the kiss. It felt like he was trying to find the broken pieces of me and hold them together.
When I moved closer, my knees brushed against his. One of my hands gripped the back of his neck, the other rested on his shoulder. The world outside his room faded away. Only Rowan’s warm, solid body existed—the scent of his laundry soap, the taste of his mouth, and the low hum he made in the back of his throat as I gently nipped at his bottom lip.
He pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against mine, his breathing slightly ragged. “Keaton.”
“Please,” I breathed, not even sure what I was asking for. More. Less. Something to make me feel good, not just numb.
He seemed to understand. He lay back on the bed, pulling me until I was hovering over him, with my forearms on either side of his head. When I saw nothing but trust in his eyes, all the crap I’d been dealing with since the day before faded away and I only saw him. I leaned down and kissed him again, this time more slowly, savoring it.
His hands moved from my shoulders down my back, tracing the line of my spine before settling on my hips. He pulled me closer, and our bodies aligned seamlessly. I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh, and my body responded instinctively. I rocked my hips against his in a slow grind that took our breath away.
It was exactly what I needed. Not just the physical pleasure, but the connection. The feeling of being seen, of being held, of not being alone in the dark. His hands slid under the hem of my shirt, his warm palms pressing against the skin of my lower back. I shivered, breaking the kiss to gasp for air. He took the opportunity to trail his lips along my jaw and down my throat.
I fumbled with the button on his jeans, and he lifted his hips to let me pull them down, just enough. He did the same forme, his knuckles brushing against my stomach. Then his hand slipped into my boxers, and I was touching him too. The only sounds in the room were our heavy breathing.
And for the first time in twenty-four hours, I felt like I could finally relax.
11
Rowan
I couldn’t stop thinkingabout him.
His lips.
His hands.
The sound he made when he came.
Every morning since Keaton and I had jerked each other off, I’d woken up hard and thinking about doing it again. And every morning I’d rub one out, needing the release just to be able to walk and avoid my mother’s sideways look.
I wanted more.
