Without a doubt, I’m dreaming.
As the three of us lie in silence, it feels like I’m transported back in time to when we were teenagers and life hadn’t torn us apart. I want to ask what’s happening between us right now, but not at the risk of hearing painful answers.
Instead, I allow myself to enjoy whatever this is while it lasts. I came inches from death, but it was worth it for this right here.
My eyelids are heavy. Sleep is calling me but I don’t want to waste this moment. I need to memorize how it feels to have Harper’s affection once more and for my brother to be at peace beside me.
Maybe thisisreal.Please, be real.
“How are you feeling?” Harper whispers, kissing my cheek. I’m too tired to answer.
Before sleep pulls me under, I make a vow to myself, that if this is real, not some hallucination, I won’t ever let anything ruin the three of us again.
“Bro, you are the worst patient.” There’s lightheartedness to Felix’s mockery as he sits at my bedside. “Stop moving so I can dress your wound.”
“I can dress the wound myself. You don’t need to nurse me back to health.”
“Actually, that’s exactly what I need to do. You can’t move around much. Your diet needs to be restricted. I’m selling The Scarlet Mirage to become your full-time caretaker. You’ll address me as Nurse Felix.”
I laugh, instantly wincing as my muscles tense. “Fuck you for making me laugh.”
Jesus, this interaction between us is weird. The fog has lifted from my mind and I have clarity today. I’mnotdreaming. Felix is treating me like a brother and friend again, joking around. He’s taking care of me. It has to be pity. Or he feels indebted to me for saving his life.
When I woke this morning, Felix and Harper were still in bed with me, the three of us having slept through the night together. Harper pecked my lips before calling the doctor in to examine me. Her kiss was innocent yet made me feel like I was high all over again. I don’t know the meaning behind the kiss. We’ll always love each other in some way. But she’s with my brother. The kiss can’t have been romantic.
Harper is sleeping beside me again now as Felix tends to my wound. The stress of these last few days has exhausted her.
“Is this… okay?” I ask Felix, nodding to Harper curled at my side. Her fingers are woven with mine. I’m treading on eggshells around Felix. His acceptance of me feels too good to be true. “I meant what I said, that I don’t want to cause issues between you and Harper. I’m sure her affection is only due to us being lifelong friends. She’s yours.”
Felix scoffs, placing gauze over my wound. Next, he’s cutting tape. “You know just as well as I that Harper has always beenours. She’s in love with you and we both know it. I’mmorethan okay with Harper holding your hand while she sleeps.”
He’s laughing again. I want to laugh too and feel relieved by him saying Harper is ours, but I’m wary, still not understanding his actions. “Whyare you okay with this? You’ve despised me for years.”
“Let’s not do this right now. You need to heal.”
“I’m fine. I want to talk about it.”
Felix groans and shakes his head, not meeting my eyes, his mood suddenly serious. There’s even guilt written across his face.
Finally, he sighs and gives in, placing the tape and scissors down. His gaze remains on the items, like he’s too disappointed in himself to look at me.
“I can’t express how much it means to me thatyourisked your life to save me. Thank you. I’ll forever be grateful. But… I’m soashamedof myself, Tyler.”
“Why?”
“I’ve spent years being angry at you. I let you and Harper in so close, and you both annihilated me. As time went on, even as the pain started to ease, I held on to anger because it seemed like the only way to protect myself. I’ve been an asshole to you. I’m sorry. I haven’t wanted to admit this, but I’ve missed you more than I can put into words. Theo… Dan, Killian… They’re great. But they’re notyou.”
My chest is burning and my throat is tight, hearing Felix be so honest and vulnerable, describing how much our bond means to him.
“When you got shot, it was the worst moment of my life. Worse than when Harper’s mom died. Worse than that day from hell when I returned from Westbridge only to learn I didn’t have you and Harper anymore. You have no idea how…frightenedI was, and I donotget frightened. I was experiencing déjà vu. I wasted too long being angry with Harper’s mother. I wasted years angry with you too.”
Felix’s voice trembles. He breathes deeply to compose himself, his eyes remaining down.
“Before Clara died, she told me I push people away to protect myself from being hurt. I never fucking learn, Tyler. Ishouldhave learned from her death that our time with people is so limited and to stop wasting it. When I saw you in a pool of your own blood, all I could think about was you dying, how much I still need you, yet how I wasted all my time being angry with you.”
Felix clears his throat and finally meets my eyes. He nods, speaking with sincerity. “This time, I’ve learned. All the shit from our past, it doesn’t matter. The onlything that matters is you’re alive and well and that I have my brother with me because I can’t live this life without you. Harper and I can’t live without you.”
I swallow hard, wanting to tell Felix how relieved I am to hear him speaking like this and how muchhemeans tome.
