Dan used to be a complete fuck boy, reckless in all aspects of life. For as long as I can remember, he’s had a terrible relationship with Dad. He played underground poker for a living. I guess his love for Ally changed him. From what I hear, he’s working on his relationship with Dad and now plays professional league—all to be a better man for Ally.
This is the first time I’ve seen Dan in months, since he announced the engagement. In all honesty, I’m surprised he asked me to be a groomsman. A hard truth I’ve come to realize is I’m a terrible brother to him and Killian. Ally too. Ever since the murder, I’ve slowly lost myself and everyone important to me.
I should be able to move on with my life. Harper, Felix, and Dad certainly don’t seem to give Paul’s death a second thought. I heard his parents died last year. Dad tells me this is even more reason to stop worrying. He’s convinced no one is questioning the cause of Paul’s death.
But every day, in the back of my mind, there’s a constant fear eating away at me, panicked someone will discover what we covered up.
“Ouch! You stood on my foot.”
Harper’s laughter draws me out of my dark thoughts.
Dan calls out, teasing Ally. “I thought musicians were supposed to have good rhythm? Careful, baby. We’ll go into debt if we damage Harper’s feet.”
Harper sees me and smiles, stroking the rose behind her ear. “I love the flowers.”
Ally flips her middle finger at Dan for teasing her dance skills, then waves at me. “Hi, Tyler.”
“Hey.” I don’t have a whole lot to say to Ally. No inside joke. The truth is, though we’re family, and though I care about her, I don’t know Ally well. She’s a musical genius and has just begun her first year at Juilliard, studying the piano. But I don’t have a relationship with her like my brothers do.
Killian is her friend. They used to work together as teachers at a private school here in the Hamptons called Sacred Heart. Felix leaned into the role of a big brother with her.
Every relationship in my life is a fucking mess.
“You and I haven’t had a chance to talk lately,” Dan says to me as the ladies continue the dance lesson. “Ally told me our engagement is what caused you and Harper to break up.”
“You get all your news on me through Ally?” I laugh his comment off, but I feel like a piece of shit.
Ally takes an interest in me. She makes an effort to learn about me through Harper. Yet here I am, too wrapped up in my own shit to learn about her.
It’s not only that. My brother is in love with Ally and I haven’t taken the time to learn about them as a couple.
“Ally cares about you a lot,” Dan continues. “Youknow she’s always been big on family since her childhood was rough.”
Big on family.I raise an eyebrow, trying to hold back a laugh.
Dan punches my shoulder, grinning. “Fuck off.”
“Your happiness isn’t to blame for my breakup.” I run a hand through my hair and sigh. “I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection these last three months. I have issues I can’t explain to you. But I’m sorry I haven’t been present in your life.”
He continues shuffling his deck of cards. “I get it. Work is demanding. You and Felix have your issues.”
“None of that excuses me from being a shit brother to you and Killian. Ally too. I should have been around more. Iwillbe, from here on out. It means a lot to me that you asked me to be a groomsman. I want to get to know Ally better, and I want to hear all about the two of you.”
“I’d like that. I know Ally will love it. But you’re not the only one to blame. When Felix returned from boarding school and the rift started between you two, you became withdrawn. I didn’t do a whole lot of probing into why. You were always off with Harper. Killian and I became closer to Felix. I just accepted that as the new dynamic. I should have been more aware.”
Boarding school. Right…
“You were a kid.” I let the boarding school lie slip, knowing I can’t give him the truth about Felix attending reform school at Westbridge. “You had your own shit going on. You were consumed with our stepsister.”
Dan laughs. “If you’re going to keep giving me shitfor Ally, then I have to give it back. You and Felix sharing Harper? I’ve heard snippets from the girls about it.”
“Yeah, I assumed.”
“Harper seems so… tame. I could never imagine sharing Ally. I’d be too jealous and possessive.”
“Let me explain it like this. In an alternate reality, if you did share Ally, what would it take?”
He contemplates my question while we watch the ladies dance. “I suppose I’d have to be extremely close with the other guy since he’s getting access to the most important person in the world to me. Though the love would be a different kind, I’d have to love him as much as I love Ally. I’d have to trust him more than I trust anyone.”
