Tyler and I stopped using protection long ago, desperate to fill the unexpected hole in our hearts that came after the miscarriage. Doctors say we’re both healthy and fertile, but no baby ever comes.
As the years go on, I’m beginning to think being a mother isn’t in the cards for me.
Each time my period arrives and I get upset, I try to tell myself not being pregnant is a blessing in disguise. Tyler and I have issues and bringing a baby into the picture won’t magically fix us. More importantly, I can erase all chances of being with Felix if I have a child with Tyler.
This situation between the three of us is insanely complicated. I don’t know how we’re ever supposed to find our way back to each other. Nothing with Tyler and Felix feels right anymore.
“I hate this distance between us,” I whisper.
“So do I, Harp.” Tyler turns to me, leaning back against the sink. “This is weird, not having you. I’ve had you in some form my entire life, even if we were just friends. I’ve missed you like crazy these last three months.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
“Come here.”
I join him by the sink, letting out of breath of relief when his hands are back on me, his touch innocent but intimate. Something deeply innate within me always needs to be physically connected with Tyler. Our fingers weave, our palms scar to scar, while his other hand rests at my waist.
“Much better,” he says.
“Agreed. How long are you in town?”
“Just the weekend. I fly back to L.A. on Monday.”
“Do you need anything from home?”
“No, Harp.”
The wordhomefeels strange. When we split, Tyler told me I should keep living in our apartment since he’s traveling a lot for work, and that during the times he returns, he’ll live in a hotel so I have my space. Our apartment is on the Upper East Side, right next to Central Park. I love it there, except… it doesn’t feel like home anymore. Not without Tyler.
Many of his clothes are still in our closet. I haven’t removed any of his things from the medicine cabinet. I can’t bring myself to erase him from our home. It doesn’t truly feel like he’s gone if I keep everything just as he left it.
“Have you been… seeing anyone?” I try to keep the possessive streak out of my voice. “Actually, don’t answer that. I hate the thought of you being with some other girl. I don’t have any right to be jealous, but I will be if?—”
“There hasn’t been anyone.”
I sigh with relief, instantly tense again when he flips the question on me.
“Have you been with anyone?”
“I… uh…”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” His voice is tight.
“It was Felix,” I blurt out, not wanting to give him the wrong impression.
The left side of Tyler’s mouth tugs up into that handsome grin I love. His eyes even look a little brighter. “That’s… amazing. I’m happy for you. I know how much you’ve missed him. Are you two?—”
“Back together?” I huff then lean into Tyler’s embrace, resting my head against his chest. “Definitely not. It was last night. To be honest, I don’t know what happened. He was gone when I woke and is avoiding me again.”
Tyler kisses my hair. “I know it’s hard to hear, but this is a good sign. Felix is lowering his walls. At least, with you.”
“I’m not so sure.” I let out a heavy breath and look up at Tyler, changing the subject. “I should let you get dressed. I’m really happy to see you again. Maybe we can spend time together this weekend if… if that’s not weird for you. I know we’re supposed to be giving each other space?—”
“Harper, it’s not weird. It’sneverweird between us, okay?” He brushes a thumb over my bottom lip. “We’ll spend time together. I’d like that a lot.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
TYLER
