Her gaze lowered to her chest. A chest that, according to Lilith, resembled that of a twelve-year-old boy. Then she scanned shoulders that were too broad. Arms that were too skinny.
She shook her head. They were only words. They couldn’t hurt her unless she let them. And she wouldn’t let them, not tonight. It was her two-year anniversary with Ethan, and Lilith wasn’t home—two reasons to celebrate.
They were going to the theater.Casablancawas playing—they always played old movies at the black-and-white theater. But she didn’t care what played; with Ethan beside her, she’d barely be watching the film.
She leaned toward the mirror and slipped some gloss over her lips. The gloss was a purchase she’d made with the dress yesterday, when she and Polly had snuck to the shops after school. She’d been hesitant about the dress, but Polly was right, it was perfect. Cut barely above the knees. Spaghetti straps over the shoulders and a V neck.
What would Lilith have said if she was home tonight? That Maggie looked ridiculous? Would she curl up her lip and make that disgusted face that Maggie knew so well?
Every insult felt like a sledgehammer hitting her body. Sometimes she wondered how many hits she could sustain before the bruises became too much to bear.
She shook her head. Her aunt wasn’t here tonight. It was about her and Ethan.
She capped her gloss and dropped it into her soft leather bag before stepping back.
In a couple short years, she’d get out of here. Become a flight attendant. Travel the world. Experience new places and people and live without a constant voice in her head telling her she wasn’t enough. She could ignore the jabs until then.
A smile curved her lips as she left her room and jogged down the stairs.
She was reaching for the handle of the front door when it opened.
Lilith stepped into the doorway, a deep frown etching her brow. “Maggie. What are you wearing?”
She stiffened. Not because of the question but the way it was posed. The way Lilith looked at her, like she was ugly and broken and ridiculous all at once.
Maggie forced herself to straighten. “A dress. It’s Ethan’s and my anniversary and?—”
“You thought you’d leave nothing to the imagination? Jesus Christ, Maggie. You don’t have the figure to pull that off—youknow you’re flat as a board, right? And black? Really? Your skin looks like a sheet of paper.”
Maggie flinched. A whole-body flinch that she felt from her head to her toes.
Lilith shook her head as she stepped around her and headed for the stairs, but not before calling over her shoulder, “But it’s your life. Go ahead and embarrass yourself.”
For a moment, Maggie didn’t move. She didn’t cry. She didn’t even feel the hint of tears in her eyes. She just stood there and let the words sink beneath her skin, tangle with every insecurity. Every feeling of being less than.
She fidgeted with the hem of the dress, giving it a little tug, like that could somehow make it longer.
When she caught her reflection in the hallway mirror, she stared. The person looking back at her wasn’t the same one she’d seen upstairs. The girl staring back now wasn’t beautiful or confident. She wasn’t wearing something that made her feel special. The dress felt wrong. Maybe even as wrong as the rest of her.
A knockon the door had Maggie’s eyes flashing open. She shot into a sitting position, the laptop almost falling off the bed.Casablancastill played, the volume low.
She’d fallen asleep. How had she fallen asleep?
But she knew the answer to that. She hadn’t been sleeping well these last few nights, and her run this afternoon had pulled that last scrap of energy out of her.
Another knock. Her gaze flickered to the door. It had to be Polly.
She scrubbed her face, as if she were trying to scrub away the dream. One thing she hated about being back in Deep River—it dredged up all the bad memories.
Even if shehadwanted to talk back to her aunt, she wouldn’t have. She’d had this overwhelming fear of being put into foster care. Of losing Polly and Ethan, the only two people in the world who’d loved her.
A third knock sounded, this one louder. She was surprised Polly wasn’t yelling through the door by now.
“I’m coming.” She closed her laptop and rushed to her feet, almost tripping over the dining table chair on her way to the door. You’d think she’d be better at moving around this small space by now.
She tugged the door open. “Sorry, I—” She stopped, shock dropping her jaw. “Ethan.”
His eyes flared as he took her in.
