“No. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask to be taken from my home. I didn’t ask for radio fucking silence from my brother. Screw what happened with your dad. That guy was an asshole. Barely worth a fraction of the guilt you’re feeling. But after everything that went down? Yeah. I needed you, and you abandoned me.That’swhat you should feel guilty about.”
“You think I fuckin’ don’t? That it’s not in my head every damn day? I failed you, Gracie. How the hell was I supposed to”—he runs his hands down his face and releases another deep sigh—“how was I supposed to face you?”
I shake my head. “This is why Triss is pissed at you, you know that, right? If she understands the life, then she understands the sacrifices you have to make for your club. She’ll accept it, just like Mom did, just like I would have done. What she probably can’t accept is what you kept from her. You lied, and that’s a hell of a lot harder to swallow than the fucked-up shit you have to dofor your patch. You couldn’tface her. So you opted to force her to endure the choice you madefor her.Just like you did to me.”
His jaw flexes and he grips the table in front of him. For a moment, I think he might push up and walk away, but then his throat bobs, and he says, “I fucked up with you, Gracie. I know that. All right? I didn’t mean for it to play out like this. Just how things ended up. But you’re my family. That’s always been true. I know you won’t forgive this, but?—”
A dull pain flares in my chest. “Of course I will.”
“You’ll… what?”
“Forgive you, obviously. I’m pissed as all hell. But you’re my brother, Jack. Like you said. Family. Just… you know… next time you got something on your mind, maybe don’t wait ten years to tell me about it.”
Once again grinning, he leaps up and grabs me, practically yanking me across the table as he pulls me into one of his chest-crushing bear-hugs.
“Jack,” I choke. “I said I’m still pissed. And also, I can’t fucking breathe. Ease up.”
When he doesn’t let go, that corrections officer shuffles a little closer. “McKenna,” he warns. “Hands where I can see them.”
My brother releases me, smile still plastered on his face, and drops back down in his chair. Things suddenly feel… lighter. But also a million times worse. The space between the two of us made my betrayal a little easier to justify. I was alone. Nowhere to go. I found a place for myself amongst the enemy. Knowing how Jack will take that sends a storm to my stomach much fiercer than any I’ve experienced before now.
He tilts his head, eyes sharpening. “Speaking of Decker talkin’ too much. He might have implied you were in some kind of trouble. Since we’re being all honest and open and shit, you got anything you want to tell me?”
Yeah. I want to tell him a lot. All of it. About the man I killed, the drugs and the money, all the running, Decker and what he did to protect me. It’d be better coming from me than from the asshole he’s hoping toquestionwhile he’s here. But I just got him back. I’m not ready to burn that bridge down completely, to open another rift between us. For now, I’ll just hope that this guy Jack’s looking to get answers from has no idea who the hell I am.
My next smile is forced. “I’m all good, big brother. Promise. You want a snack? That vending machine over there looks promising.”
“Gracie.” He sighs. “You got no idea the slop they’re feeding me here. It’s fuckin’ torture. Even Triss cooks better than the morons runnin’ this kitchen.”
“I’ll be sure to pass along your praises to her.” I grin. “What kind of chips you into these days?”
I raid the vending machines and get Jack three small bags of barbeque. We catch up on anything and everything until forty minutes later when a loud buzz sounds, telling me it’s time to leave. I’m subjected to another bone-crushing hug before I wander through those grey hallways again.
Outside, Kat sits waiting for me in her black Civic.
“Thanks for coming with me,” I say as I slide into the passenger seat.
With a nod, she starts up her car. “When Axe was in lockup, coming here was hard as fuck. But that first time would have been unbearable had Triss not come with me. She waited out here in the lot until I was done. Made it easier for some reason.”
The pain in my chest this time is of a different sort. “Well… thanks.”
We’re mostly silent during the hour-long drive back to South Bay. The playlist Kat blasts is chaotic, full of everything from eighties hair bands to nineties alt-rock to modern day anthems. Taylor Swifts bleeds into the Goo Goo Dolls and then morphsinto “Black Sheep” by Metric as we cross the boundary back into our town.
“You gonna tell me who you been screwing?” Kat asks.
My head snaps in her direction, my heart stuttering. “What?”
She shrugs. “Triss says you disappear a lot. Then there was that time after the bar when you never made it back to her place. Obviously you’ve got a guy. We’ve got a bet going as to who, and I’d really fucking like to win.”
I’m panicking, searching for an explanation when a loud siren blares behind us, then blue and red lights flash in the rearview.
“Shit,” Kat mutters as she slows. “Cops.”
26
“Were you speeding?”
Kat pulls to the side of the road, throws the car into park, and leans over me, yanking open the glove compartment. “I’m Axel Donovan’s old lady. They probably scanned my plates and are looking to have a little fun. They like to fuck with me sometimes. Got anything on you that might get us into trouble?”
