“I’ve spent my whole life trying to be what you wanted. It was never enough.”
“And I recognize that,” she argued, more passionately than I’d ever heard her speak. “I understand now. I understand why you were so unhappy in New York. It was sterile. You were kept in a box that you didn’t fit in. And I’m sorry. We can fix that, if you just trust me. Just come back.”
My mother was looking at me like she truly saw me for the first time. There was an ache in my chest as I turned away.
“I love you,” I said. “I will always love you. But my life is here.”
Tears streamed down my face as I continued climbing. I left her sobbing behind me.
As I rose, I felt more confused than ever. I had no idea what was real anymore—what was right, what was wrong. I felt the very visceral sting of betrayal. My mother’s words were the blanket of love and support that I’d longed for my whole life, and here I was, deliberately walking away from it. For what? To be queen of an island where half the population didn’t even want me here?
I knew in my heart I belonged on The Isle, but seeing the people who had once been my whole world begging me to return, offering everything I’d ever wanted, shook my resolve more than I wanted to admit.
I climbed and climbed. I was nearing the summit. I was hungry. I was tired. I’d faced death more times in the last several weeks than I had in my entire life. Every decision felt impossibly heavy.
I kept climbing, trying to ignore the gnawing regret. Regret over the life I could’ve had, if only my mother had spoken like that sooner. Regret that I might be missing out on what we could be if I stayed.
I knew logically that this was a trial meant to test me, but my heart hadn’t gotten the memo. It couldn’t see things in black and white, in rules and logic. Not when it came to the emotional scars of my childhood. Not when it came to the pieces of me I’dcobbled together to try to be a productive human being back in New York, to make sense of a life that sometimes felt pointless. I didn’t want to strive for power or money; I had always wanted to make a difference.
I climbed higher, the whispers growing louder around me once again.
“Stop it,” I shouted. “I don’t want to hear from you. Any of you!”
The whispers got more aggressive. Louder. Persistent. They begged me to listen.
I clamped my hands over my ears and pushed through the noise until I looked up. I was near the top now. The mountain peak was tucked into the last wisps of cloud, with only clear blue sky beyond.
And there, at the peak, looking very solid indeed—stood Silas.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, so relieved to see the man I loved that I just about burst into tears. “Did Seer Goddard send you?”
“Not exactly.” Silas tilted his head just a little, giving me that coy, playful look he wore when he was in a good mood. “I just wanted to see you pass the second trial with my own eyes.”
I felt my heart warm as I looked at him. “You’re exactly what I needed to see. I just encountered these mirages of Simon and my mom. Even though I knew they weren’t real, they felt real. The emotions were real, and—I’m sorry. I doubted myself for a minute, my life on The Isle, even though I shouldn’t have.”
“It’s okay,” Silas said. “That’s natural, healthy to wonder. What matters is you stuck it out, you stayed the course. You are so strong, Alessia.”
Then Silas opened his arms, and I walked into them. He wrapped me up, holding me close, smelling just like I remembered—just like I’d imagined when I’d seen Simon but had been thinking about Silas.
“I didn’t know you’d be allowed to be in my trial,” I said. “Thisisa trial, right?”
“Yes. Air. The altitude, the climbing, the mirages. You’ve done it now; you made it to the top.”
“That’s it?” I said. “A little hike and a bit of past trauma coming back to haunt me?”
“Give yourself some credit.” Silas reached out, took my hand. “Let me take you home.”
I reached for him, to let Silas guide me back down the mountain. As we moved, however, something didn’t feel right. Something was off.
Everything about Silas looked right, smelled right. I imagined if I kissed him, it would even taste right. But itwasn’tright. When I told Silas that, he frowned.
“What do you mean?” he asked. “Of course this is right. You’re meant to be with me.”
“I know I’m meant to be with you,” I said slowly, “but this isn’t the end of my trial. I need to finish this alone.”
“Don’t you trust me?” Silas looked hurt. “I came up here to help you.”
Pain arced through me. I didn’t want to disappoint the man I loved. But what else could I do? I had to trust my gut. My instincts as a Fae Queen.
