“About what?”
I shrugged. “Anything? Everything?”
“I’m anxious. It’s been an unpredictable time, and I don’t know what to anticipate coming at us next. It frustrates me whenI can’t be prepared. Kraken? Crimson lycanthrope? There was no way to be prepared for those sorts of threats. They caught us off guard, and I don’t like being caught off guard.”
“But youwereprepared, more than anyone else at least. You knew how to defeat the lycanthrope. Nobody else stood a chance.”
“Youdefeated the lycanthrope,” Silas said. “It was your magic that finally took him down. I was just the one who funneled it.”
“We did it together.”
“You took care of the kraken all by yourself.” Silas sighed. “Even if I had been there, I don’t know if there would have been much I could have done.”
“Well, Silas, I hate to break it to you, but nobody can control life at all times. Trust me, my parents tried their hardest to control every aspect of my life, and look where it landed all of us.” I gestured toward the swimming hole. “I vanished from their lives to a magical island. They didn’t exactly see that coming.”
Silas gave me a wry, hopeful smile. “Fair.”
“We do the best we can with what we have.”
Silas leaned forward, kissed the top of my head. “You’re pretty wise, for a burgeoning Fae Queen.”
I laughed. “That’s not wise. That’s just regurgitating therapy.”
Silas and I lapsed into silence as we stared out over the cerulean waters stretching to the horizon. I didn’t know what he was thinking about, but I was thinking about magic. How I’d never been more scared, but simultaneously had never felt more powerful than when I’d been close to death.
As the kraken had held me underwater, I’d felt my powers rush to my assistance swifter than ever before. They’d lashed out of their own accord, startling even me with their ferociousness.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to learn how to use my magic when I can barely access it unless I’m close to death. I mean,honestly. When I can’t breathe and have tentacles stuck to my neck, it’s just not the ideal teaching moment to understand my powers, you know?”
Silas gave a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
“I understand that Seer Goddard might have tools to help me, but he’s not showing any signs of wanting to help me. And even if he can teach me about my magic, I don’t really know how to access it without being under attack.”
“You accessed it to heal Irina.”
“She was on her deathbed. If I didn’t do it, both she and Henry might have died. Same thing with the Furies. The lycanthrope. There was always a life at stake that I cared about in one way or another.”
Silas cocked his head to one side, thinking. “Maybe there’s a way we can emulate those feelings without youactuallybeing in harm’s way.”
I was just going to tell him about the small magical patch I’d healed in front of Liza but, before I could, he looked at me with eyes lit up in a way that told me he had an idea of his own.
“You need to learn to hunt.”
“Hunt?” I was already shaking my head. “I am not a Hunter. In any way, shape, or form. I went into the medical profession because I wanted to help people. Hunting is practically the opposite of helping people.”
Silas tensed at my words, his hand clenching in mine.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, realizing how that sounded to him—a Hunter. “I didn’t meanyou. I’m such an idiot. I just meant...”
“I know what you meant,” Silas said softly. “You’re not wrong. Hunting is the antithesis of healing. It’s just nature.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it, Silas.”
“I know. But it would be okay if you did; there’s no sense denying it. I know what I am.”
“Why would you think learning to hunt would help me access my powers, anyway?”
“Being a Hunter means tapping into something primal, an ancient instinct. Instincts you don’t use in your day-to-day life,” Silas said. “It is technically a life-or-death situation, just hopefully not yours.”
