“You didn’t wake me,” I tell him. He was right. I was asleep when he left.
“But you’re awake. Again.”
I shrug against him. “I just woke up on my own.”
It’s the truth but not enough of the truth for him to understand. I don’t want to tell him the rest. He has enough to deal with. But I feel the distance thatmy words make. I feel the barrier I’m creating, and I don’t think it’s any better. So I decide to tell him the real truth.
“I can’t sleep without you, Roman. I don’t feel safe unless you’re with me. I know that I am, but … I need your body against mine.”
I feel his chest rise and fall against my back. His hands are still covering mine at the edge of the sink, but now his fingers thread with mine. My fingers curl to hold them.
I ask, “And what do you need?”
His answer is immediate: “You.”
“Then don’t leave me. You can’t protect me with your absence.”
Roman takes another deep breath. His chin presses into the top of my head. Then he draws away and takes the kettle to its heating element and turns it on.
It’s hard not to pry at him. I want to ask him why he can’t sleep. Is it nightmares? Or a fear that he’ll wake from one and hurt me? I want him to talk to me.
But that’s not going to happen, and it’s my own fault.
So many times I’ve wanted Roman to talk to me, but when he finally did, when he told me that he didn’t belong here and shouldn’t be here, I panicked. I was furious and terrified, and I reacted completely wrong.
We haven’t talked about it again, but I’ve thought about it pretty much nonstop, and I know it’s shapingthe things I say even when I don’t intend it to. I’m still scared. I absolutely cannot lose him.
I go to the cupboard for two mugs. I take them over to Roman where he’s getting out the peppermint tea because he knows that’s what I want. His bandaged arm lifts, and I duck under it to press myself against him, wrapping my arms around his torso.
I breathe in the scent of him, desperate for every physical proof that he’s here. My face is near his chest, so I nuzzle his pectoral. I’m not deliberately being sexual, but my nuzzling has him drawing a deep breath, and that has me closing my mouth over his nipple.
Roman makes a rough sound of pleasure as I suck. His hand, splayed against my lower back, slides down to squeeze my ass. He arches slightly.
Hungry for more response from him, I let my hand glide upward along the notches of his abdomen to his other pectoral. I knead the dense muscle and tease the tight nub of his nipple.
His hand on my ass tugs me closer. I always harden easily with him, and I’m hard now, pressing my cock against the outside of his thigh.
Maybe I was deliberately being sexual. I need this with him. Always, but especially now when I’m so afraid of him vanishing. Sex means that he’s here, that he’s with me.
Roman turns my way, grabbing my ass with both hands and pulling me up. I hook my legs around himas he lifts me. As he walks me over to the island, I feel the brush of his hard cock against my ass. He sets me down on the edge of the counter and pushes at my chest until I understand to lean back. I try to settle on my elbows, but Roman keeps pushing until I lie flat. I close my eyes as he tugs down my sweats to free my cock. I murmur in pleasure when he takes it in his mouth.
God, I love when he sucks me.
My back arches as he swallows me deep. His fingers massage my balls, rolling and tugging them before his hands glide up my abdomen to my chest. I grip his hands with mine, holding him there, clinging to the only part of him I can reach.
He sucks me harder, working up and down my shaft, putting delicious pressure on my tip. My legs have been loose around him, but my heels dig into his back as my hips lift.
“You’re gonna make me come,” I gasp.
Roman lets out a dark, rumbling sound that vibrates against my cock.
“Fuuuck,” I moan.
His hands pull away from mine and slide under my arched back. He lifts me off the counter. His hands move down to my ass, forcing my sweats out of the way as he hauls me against him, taking my cock deep into his throat.
“Roman—” I try to warn him, but he squeezes my ass and sucks me harder until I cry out sharply and start coming. My hips jerk and my stomachcontracts. Roman holds tight and sucks me through every pulse, swallowing as I ejaculate down his throat.
I’m loose and slightly dazed as he lowers me to the counter. He draws free of my cock. When I’m able to lift my head, I find Roman gazing down at me. His lips are swollen, his hollow cheeks flushed. God, he’s beautiful.
