My eyes cut to Will, who is chalking the end of his pool cue to death. He’s not looking at either of us, but by the aggressive scrape of the chalk grinding into dust, I have a pretty good feeling he’s listening intently.
This is my opening. I wasn’t sure how I’d manage to bring it up casually, but?—
“Alonso is only six years older than me. Not that it matters, because we aren’t together,” I say casually, keeping my tone light even though my heart is thrumming out of my chest as I flick my gaze to Will. “We had a nice time getting to know each other, and I really enjoy hanging out with him as a friend. But the spark just isn’t there.”
The words hang in the air. I notice the slightest shift in Will’s demeanor, and then his eyes meet mine. I don’t look away, holding his gaze so he can see the truth of what I’m saying.
Alonso is a wonderful man. He’s kind and present without being demanding. He never once pushed when I pulled back, never asked for more than I was willing to give. He was a shoulder when I needed it and gave me the space to come to terms with something I already knew in my heart—as perfect as Alonso is, he isn’t the one for me. My heart chose its match a long, long time ago.
Still, Alonso invited me to stay. He was gone most of the time, and I found a quiet I wasn’t expecting so close to the bustle of LA. His house sits tucked away just far enough from the chaos that he could return after long hours of working. When he was home, we talked about everything and nothing, about work schedules and identity and the strange unreality of living under constant scrutiny. While he was gone, I spent long mornings walking barefoot in the sand, afternoons stretched out on thedeck with a book or a journal, evenings watching the sun bleed into the horizon.
It was exactly what I needed to gather all my thoughts and feelings, to make as much sense of them as I could. And in the end, I walked away with a good friend and a grateful heart, ready to face Will and whatever this thing is between us.
Naz frowns. “So what the fuck have you been doing in LA with him for the past two weeks?”
“He let me stay at his beach house so I could clear my head.”
Naz cuts his eyes at Will, then back at me, and scoffs. “Well, while you wereclearing your—Ouch!”
Will smacks Naz on the arm to shut him up. I’m about to ask what that was about when the doors open, and we turn to see Jesse walk in with his tall, broad-shouldered, hot as hell and apparently adorably shy boyfriend close behind him.
Will gives them shit and I make a few teasing faces, but in the end he’s really great. I can see how much they care for each other. I’ve never seen Jesse like he is with Luc standing next to him. He looks lit up from within, flushed with happiness—or sex. He’s relaxed in the true sense of the word.
After a couple hours of pool and conversation, Jesse pulls Luc back to his cave at the back of the suite, and I’m left alone with Naz and Will again.
“I like him,” I say, breaking the silence. “And not just because he’s gorgeous. Seriously, that smile…” I fake a swoon. “I’ve never seen Jesse so content. And it’s obvious Luc loves him just as much.”
“I’m worried about him being closeted,” Naz admits.
“Weren’t you the one who said not to worry about that?” Will asks.
“Yeah, but I don’t think I really appreciated just how deep that shit got,” Naz says. “Like, they’re for real-for real. And with all the shit that’s going on right now?” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’m worried, man.”
I nod thoughtfully. We’re all used to the public scrutiny of being famous—especially Jesse. But Luc has made it pretty obvious that public life isn’t for him. Lately, we’ve been under more of a microscope than ever before. Our charity concert pulled awesome numbers and attention for theWavesplatform and important causes, it’s also pulled more targeted negative attention than we’ve ever dealt with before. The president himself, in all his diapered glory, has taken to hate-tweeting about us most nights, and conservative media has gone overboard with their scrutiny of every aspect of our lives. Jesse, as one of the most recognizable stars on the planet, takes the brunt of this.
“With this much extra attention, how can two people as famous as them keep their relationship secret?”
“Exactly,” Naz says.
“And what’s going to happen to Jesse if?—”
“—when,“ Naz interrupts.
“Or when,” Will concedes, “they ultimately get caught.”
“They’d be better off just coming out now,” I say. “Not that it’s any of our business to tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do with their life or about their sexuality. I definitely understand what he’s up against.”
“I don’t know, man,” Naz says. “I feel like this is going to blow up in their faces.”
“Have a little faith,” I tell him, patting him on the shoulder.
Naz huffs. “One more before bed?” he suggests. Will and I shrug, then join him for another drink before we all head to our own separate rooms.
TWENTY-TWO
ARI
A knock at my door less than thirty minutes later has my heart in my throat. I know it’s him before I open the door. I barely look at him as I step aside to let him in.
