“You don’t like Alonso very much,” he points out.
“What? No. Alonso is… fine. He’s fine.”
“Uh-huh. So what’s,” gestures his hand in a circle, “all that about?”
“All what?”
Jesse rolls his eyes. “Dude. What’s going on with you and Ari?”
My mouth opens. Then closes. I’m pretty sure I’m going to vomit. Maybe I’ll actually puke or maybe I’ll word-vomit all the fucked-up shit I’ve done and been thinking all this time.
I try for a half-truth since deflecting is unlikely to get me anywhere. I have to bide my time for that. And also, I do need someone to talk to, even if I can’t tell him everything.
“I think we’re growing apart.”
Jesse’s head cocks, then he frowns. “I can see that, but maybe it’s just time. If anything, you can look forward to not having to rush home from a hookup or you could take time to think about yourself for a while. Take a minute to breathe or something. You’re wound tight and have been for a long time.”
There’s my opening for a distraction.
“What about you? You seem good. Less burdened or something.”
Jesse nods. “Yeah, man. Things are good.”
“Still hanging out with this new guy?”
His smile could light up this whole damn city if the power went out. “Maybe.”
“I’m happy for you,” I say honestly. “Although I guess now I have to rely on my own charm to pick up women.”
He laughs and playfully hits my shoulder. “As if you even have to try. Stop worrying about Ari and pay attention, you attract hot people like flies to shit.”
“Thanks?”
“Anytime man. Right, well, I’m gonna turn in.”
“Isn’t it still pretty early?”
“It’s never too early to send a dick pic, my friend.”
I snort. “Noted. Have fun.”
“You too.”
I stare at the door for a few more seconds. Then I go back to the living room to watch reruns of Ted Lasso with Naz, but Ican’t focus. Eventually, I go to my room and pace in front of the window, watching the rain fall. After a while, there’s a break in the rain, so I decide to go for a walk. I grab a hoodie, a hat, and an umbrella and slip out before anyone notices me gone.
I don’t know where I’m going. I just walk. Up and down side streets, and main streets, and creepy alleys. The rain starts again and doesn’t relent, but still I keep walking, getting lost several times before finding a familiar street. I walk until my legs ache and my thoughts slow, and I think I might be able to relax enough to sit still.
But on my way back to our hotel, I see him.Them.Ari and Alonso.
They’re standing huddled together under a big black umbrella outside one of the nicer hotels. Again, it’s a picture-perfect scene torn straight from a romance movie. The rain falls, reflecting the light of the streetlamps, and the city glows wet and gold around them.
They’re standing so close together I can’t see a sliver of light between them. Alonso hovers over Ari, cupping his cheek, leaning in. Ari pushes to his toes. And they kiss.
It’s not a quick, sweet goodbye kiss. It’s not hesitant. Nor is it rushed and hungry. Their mouths move together naturally.
Alonso’s hand drops from Ari’s face and slides around his waist, settling at the base of his spine. He pulls Ari to him, and Ari’s arms come up around his neck. Alonso’s hand touches bare skin just before the umbrella tilts to shield them better.
I stand there, heartbroken and feeling invisible, and watch the only person I’ve ever loved choose someone brave enough to choose him, too.
