“If there was one thing I ever agreed with Francis about, it was that as long as we’re not hurting anyone, public opinion couldn’t actually hurt us. And I hate to break it to you, straight boy, but people have been calling me much worse than that since before I was old enough to understand what was different about me.”
Will winces, but it’s the truth, and he knows it. “It’s not just that,” he says, sounding tired. “I don’t want to do anything that could compromiseus. Who we are to each other.”
“I think we crossed that line a long time ago,” I say gently. “We compromised anything brotherly between us the first time you didn’t push me away. The first time you told me it was okay to take what I needed from you.”
I gesture to his pants again. “This might be the first time you’ve come because of me, but it’s far from the first time for me.”
Will opens his mouth to say something, but closes it again, looking thoughtful. Worried.
It’s not as if I don’t understand the gravity or the consequences of what could happen. But we can’t forget the gravity of what’s already happened, either. And I can’t keep giving up on myself, especially now that he’s acknowledged that I’m not alone in this.
“We’re kind of at a crossroads,” I reason. “We’ve already crossed a line, but it could easily be chalked up to stress and trying to cope with how much has changed in our lives. So, we need to make a decision, and I think we have three options.”
“And what do you think those options are?”
“We could drop this and go back to pretending that nothing ever happened and nothing ever will,” I say flatly, because that’s the option Will clearly thinks is our only choice. I’ll acknowledge it as a choice, but he can tell by my tone of voice that I don’t believe we could ever move on from this now. “Or we can set some ground rules and test the waters to see if this is something we both really want. Unless I missed something, you don’t have experience with men to know where you fit on the sexuality spectrum, and you’re clearly at least curious.”
Will’s head tilts to both sides, acknowledging that the statement isn’t incorrect, but he still seems unsure. “What kind of ground rules?”
I shrug. “We talk about what we’re comfortable with and what we’re not. Maybe you felt more open and free to explore in the club environment, so we could agree to keep that part of our exploration in those certain spaces. And I know you like making rules?—”
“If we did that, there shouldn’t be any rules unless you made them.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“In the past, I’ve been too controlling of your interactions with other people. I got in your way and caused you to be unhappy. I don’t want to do that to you.”
I lift an eyebrow. “Who are you and where is my grouchy, overprotective big brother, Will Kessler?”
“I don’t think you should call me that.”
My lips quirk. “You didn’t seem to mind it earlier…”
He covers his face and groans. “This is so wrong.”
A giggle escapes me. I can’t help it. That we’re having this conversation at all is bonkers. Not only that, but am I actually driving this train wreck? He’s never let me be in control of anything before, not really.
“Okay. So, maybe if we were going to do this, don’t just steamroll me into your comfort zone. There needs to be some communication and compromise.”
“What kind of compromise? I know I used to be cool with other guys being there when I was calling the shots, but I don’t know if I can go back to that.”
My eyes narrow. “Do you think I’d just go around and fuck everyone I want, right in front of you?” I wouldn’t want that at all, but I need to know where his head is at.
Will looks uncomfortable but shakes his head. “I want to say that I’ll try not to control you or second guess your decisions. That I’ll leave if I don’t want to see whatever’s going down, but I can’t even bear the thought of someone else touching you.”
“If you’re going to touch me, I won’t need anyone else to, now will I?”
How does he not get that it was only ever him I wanted to be touched by, that I took it however I could get it?
I like being watched by him. And I liked it when those people were watching us tonight. But I don’t want to share. And I definitely have zero interest in watching him with anyone else.
“I’ll tell you where my comfort zone is. You can tell me if you don’t like something, and you can even boss me around, Will. Just don’t pretend your possessiveness is something you’re doing to protect me, and for the love of fuck, don’t punch anyone.”
Will’s lips twitch. “I’ll do my best.”
I stand up and move closer to him, crowding his space and looking up into his eyes. “I never minded you treating me like I was yours. It was the denial afterwards that hurt,” I tell him. “Don’t pretend you’re doing something for me if it’s something you want, too. Keep every other man from touching me if you want, get all kinds of growly and possessive, fucking pee on my leg if you want to.” I quirk a smile before lowering my tone to something more serious. “But do it because you want me and let me know you do.”
Inches from my eyes, Will’s Adam’s apple bobs with a heavy swallow. “And what, um, what’s option three?”
