There’s a slight pause.
“What’d Will do?”
I huff a laugh, surprised despite myself. “Wow. No hesitation at all?”
“I know you,” he says simply. “And I know him.”
I lean back and stare up at the fluorescent lights. “I just need some space to get my head straight. Feeling a bit stifled, you know?” I know he’ll understand that, at least. It’s not like I can tell him that I’d hate being stifled less if I wasn’t in love with my foster brother.
“That makes sense,” Jesse says. “Take your time to get your shit sorted. But don’t disappear on us.”
“I won’t.”
“We need you,” he adds, quieter now. “The band doesn’t work without you.”
Something warm settles in my chest. Relief tangled with grief. I’ve given consideration to whether or not I’ll be able to come back from this. If I could handle it, or if they’d replace me. It’s not like finding a bass player would be hard for them. We mesh well as a band, but if push came to shove, I’d be the easiest player to replace.
“I mean it,” Jesse says without missing a beat. “We’re a family, and we do this together or not at all. And I don’t have a wholelot else going for me, so come back to me or I’ll stalk you, tie you up, and brainwash you until you love us again.”
That gets a real laugh out of me.
“Go focus on you,” Jesse continues. “Do that… What is it? Eat, pray, fuck?”
“Yeah, that sounds right,” I laugh.
“Whatever. You get the point. Go figure out who you are when you’re not stuck up Will’s ass, or the other way around, then come back and shove it in his face.”
I grin, wiping at my eyes. “You’re terrible.”
“I’m inspirational,” he counters. “Come back stronger. We’ll be here.”
When we hang up, I feel steadier than I have all morning. Strong enough that when I call Naz next, I’m able to ask him to check in on Will.
“I’ll put some pants on and head over there right away,” he says without question. “Are you alright though?”
“I will be.”
“Okay. I’ll check on Will,” he adds. “Don’t worry about the home front. If we start working on anything, I’ll send you stems or stream it live. You can lay down bass tracks from there.”
“I’m here for whatever, and I’ll be ready to come back when Jesse’s given the go-ahead to move forward,” I say. “I’m not leaving. I’m just taking a break.”
“Take whatever time you need,” Naz says. “We’ll make it work.”
“Thanks.”
“Love you, man.”
“Love you, too. All of you.”
And I do. They’re the only family I’ve ever had. It’s complicated and messy, and right now it feels unbearable. But they’re everything to me.
I just wish I could love Will Kessler less. Or differently. But I’ll find a way to deal with my shit.
Blake calls again just as the flight attendants are getting ready to begin boarding.
“I’m boarding a plane, can I call you when I get there?”
“Security,” he says immediately. “You need to take someone with you.”
