“Yes, I need space,” I spit incredulously. “I’ve told you I need space. I keep telling you.”
“B—But you said you needed space, and then you…”
A wave of humiliation pulses through me, heating my already boiling blood. Will has gone pale, but I feel like I must be beet red from head to toe, because every part of me is burning with shame.
“That didn’t mean anything,” I say, my voice flat. Echoing the sentiments he’s used to assuage one or both of us in the past. The words that chipped away at my heart little by little, every time I heard them.
I can see the hit he takes when I throw his words back at him. His eyes shutter like he took a physical hit. But instead of making me feel bad for him, this wounded puppy look he’s wearing only fuels the fire.
“You’re upset?—”
“What gave you that impression?”
“Ari, baby. Come on. Let’s just talk about this.”
“Baby?” I spit back at him. “Really? Fuck you, Will.”
“This isn’t fair.”
“Was it ever?” I stare at him for a long moment, letting him see the full brunt of my anger. He needs to see how serious I am, and my anger is better than sadness. I’d rather show him rage than let him see me break. “Was last night fair?”
“I tried to—” He opens his mouth, then closes it again, like he’s trying to choose the least wrong thing to say and realizes he has nothing.
I keep packing.
“You can’t do this,” he says finally, his voice low, strained. “You can’t just leave.”
“I absolutely can. And you can’t control me,” I shoot back.
“I’m not trying to control you.”
I slam a drawer shut. “Then what the fuck do you call what you’ve been doing, huh? Because I would really love an explanation.”
He doesn’t answer. Of course he doesn’t.
“Come on, Will. You wanted to talk. So talk—tell me why.”
Nothing.
I feel something inside me crack, and I know if I don’t hurry this along, I’m going to fall to pieces. And I can’t do that. Not when the one person who always held me together is the one breaking me.
Slowly, I turn to face him.
“Last night…” I clear my throat, trying to cover the shaking in my voice. “I just wanted to go out and enjoy myself. To put everything that’s been clouding my mind to rest and have fun.” I close my eyes, and feel a tear fall down my cheek. “For the first time in forever, I felt good about myself. I felt confident. Someone that I noticed, noticed me back. Someone wanted me.”
His jaw tightens.
“And then you… You took that from me.” I take a shaky breath. “You humiliated me. And not just because you pulled some bullshit and scared a guy off for the hundredth time. Butbecause I was in there, waiting, wondering what I’d done wrong, if I’d just made a fool out of myself.”
“Ari—”
“You made me feel like I was something disgusting. Wrong. Deluded. Like I was stupid for ever thinking someone could want me.”
“I didn’t mean to—I’d never?—”
“You did though,” I snap. “What I don’t understand iswhy?Or how?” I demand. “How could you humiliate me like that? And then have the audacity to stand there and joke about it like it was nothing. How could you do that to me?”
Will drags a hand through his hair, pacing along the end of the bed like a caged animal. “I was just trying to protect you.”
