The crowd screams as we run onto the stage. Luc’s cheeks blush when he gratefully hands off the microphone to Jesse, who pulls him in for a hard kiss. Face fully red, he hops off the stage to stand in the front row with his family and a handful of teammates. Jesse’s mom is standing with her arm linked through Shawna’s—I swear everyone loves that girl. Luc’s dadstands behind Luc’s two sisters, and Georgia holds a sign she painted herself. I nearly tear up when I notice the tiny rainbow pin stuck in the pocket of Mr. Martín’s jacket. The handful of football players are rowdy, jumping up and down and throwing up fists to cheer us on. All except one of them, who stands off to the side chatting with none other than Alonso Carter, who looks equally enamored.
Naz counts us in. We open with some of our older anti-establishment tracks, and a few other favorites that we’ve tweaked the lyrics for to fit the vibe. The crowd is loving the changes, cheering even harder when the new words hit.
We burn through the set with more intensity than I think we’ve ever had. Between songs, Jesse keeps the crowd pumped with notes on things that inspired some of our songs, or the changes we made to fit the tour, the overall theme being that love is stronger than fear. Naz is a machine behind his drum kit, sweat flying from his hair as he drives the beat for each song, yelling out the lyrics and punctuating Jesse’s words with random encouragements like, “Fuck yeah!” and, “You know it!” Ari moves around the stage fluidly, coming to stand next to me, pressing into me, being all kinds of cute and playful. And I’m living my best life, getting into the music more than I ever have before.
When the first chords of our new song ring out, the crowd hushes. It’s our first time playing it live.
In all the time we’ve been playing together, I have never been so proud of something we’ve created. Not just because I helped write more of this song than any of the others, but because of what it stands for. Because it’s unapologetic. By the time we hit the first chorus of the song Ari and I wrote together, there’s atear falling down my cheek and I’m not even embarrassed about it.
This song hurts. Some of the lyrics are jarring. It’s angry, and sometimes it’s ugly. But it’s also beautiful, and the way the crowd reacts makes me feel hopeful.
Sometimes hope feels reckless, but it’s necessary. And as the final chords ring out and Jesse lifts his chin to deliver the closing lines, I have hope that we are no longer just reacting to the world around us—we’re helping to shape it into something better.
We aren’t as free
As we like to think
So tell me,
What’s it going to be?
They’re arresting the press, calling truth a threat
If they silence the questions, who will be next?
Disagree? You’re an enemy, marked for death
Freedom’s just a word when they’re aiming at your head
They say keep it peaceful, point their weapons at schools
Smoke in the halls while they tighten the rules
Public executions, masked and unchecked
Calling it order while they kneel on your neck
You can taste the fear in the tear gas air
Say it’s not happening, pretend it’s not there
But denial’s a drug and you’re hooked on the lie
How much more before you realize?
We aren’t as free as we like to think
So what’s it gonna be?
What’s it gonna take to come back from this
Everything’s already gone to shit.
Hands in the air or your head in the sand
Your silence just makes you part of their plan
You can’t stay numb, this is it?—
