“Oh! You walked Leo’s date home that night he got too drunk to get it up, after you’d been sitting in the lobby for almost an hour to give them privacy.”
“You never kicked my clingy baby brother out of our room even though he was annoyingly in love with you, and you still let him latch onto you like a koala even though you spent all day making heart eyes at the Disney prince looking motherfucker that put me on my ass yesterday.”
The glare Eric gives Leo would be impressive if he wasn’t bundled up in my blanket with only his face sticking out.
Eric sighs and looks up at me. “You moved all the way home, even though it was clear you didn’t want to, because your brother got sick.”
“You’re a good dude, Brody. Whatever happened yesterday doesn’t change that.”
I laugh to keep from crying, but it doesn’t work. My eyes sting and water, and my laughter just sounds cruel, like I’m revealing some kind of deception, nearly three years in the making.
“Brody—”
“If I were a better person, I wouldn’t have left Colson Creek in the first place. I wanted out because I hated it there and I wanted to start over somewhere that people didn’t know me, so I could pretend to be somebody else. I didn’t drink on my twenty-first birthday because I’ve never had a drop of alcohol and I never will, because addiction runs in my family. It killed my dad and almost killed my brother. My brother is sick because he overdosed. I call or text my mom every day to make sure they’re both still alive.”
I take a shaky breath and swallow, trying to soothe my sore throat so I can finish. “I punched a guy that I went to high school with because he keeps reminding me of what I am, and that Disney prince I was making heart eyes at is a closeted pretentious asshole who betrayed me because I was using your clingy baby brother to make him jealous.”
I barely have enough voice to make it to the end of my rant, but I push through, forcing sound through my abused vocal cords because I have so much more to say. Much like the tears, now that the words are flowing, they don’t want to stop. I told Beck, and he told Pierce, and now everyone might as well know everything because I can’t hide from who or what I am.
“I’m a piece of shit loser from trash town, USA. My parents bought the cheapest home they could find on the edge of a decent school district so we could get a good education. Davis barely got his GED because he was too fucked up to care about going to a place that reminded us we didn’t belong every single day. Where rich assholes like Pierce Jamison tormented us and used our last name as an excuse to pour beer in our lockers and report it to the principal. Or crack open my mom’s car window to fill her seats with empty cans so she’d get in trouble withwhatever job she’d managed to hold down for more than a week. And you know what I did about it?” I swallow painfully again. “I laughed. They told jokes about my dad, about how I’d grow up to be just like him, and I laughed. I laughed at my brother when the stories about his wild antics got back to my high school. I laughed with them at how haggard my mom always looked, because she worked however many jobs it took to keep us in a house that was falling down, and barely slept because the last time she came home and fell right to sleep, her husband ran off the road and hit a tree that cost more than just my father’s life, because a person who thought they were better than us wanted more and didn’t mind stepping on us to get it.”
“Brody—”
“And when I left home to pursue my dreams, I pretended it was so I could help my family and give them a better life, when what I really wanted was to run away from it all. And then I proved everyone right, and I failed. I threw it away. I threw away a priceless education at a school that could actually make things happen for me, and I did it because a pretty boy hurt my feelings and reminded me that I’m just as worthless as they all said I was.”
I stand, grab the coffee I turned down earlier, and chug the tepid liquid. Then I steal Leo’s towel and walk down the hall to take a shower and wash away the feelings that keep pouring out of my face. I don’t look back to see Eric or Leo gaping at me or to give them a chance to say anything.
CHAPTER 29
BECK
We’ve been back on campus for three days, and no one has heard from Brody. Or if they have, they aren’t telling me about it. To my knowledge, the last time anyone talked to him was when Coach McCoy spoke to him Friday night. All Coach will tell me is that he was staying with a friend, and said he’d head home separately. He refuses to call Brody’s family to ask them if he made it safely, or tell him to please call me or listen to my messages.
Coach McCoy thinks there’s something wrong with me, and he’s probably right. He told me to go home and have a nice holiday, that we’d take care of ‘the Brody situation’ after the break. But he doesn’t understand. I can’t wait. The more time passes that I don’t tell him what happened, the longer Brody goes on thinking I betrayed him. The longer Brody goes without knowing that Icarefor him.
I’m not brave enough to come out and say anything to anybody, especially now that I’m not sure I’ll ever get him back, but anyone who doesn’t realize there was something going on between me and Brody is dense or not paying attention. I’ve been on a full-on rampage, doing everything in my power to getin touch with him and pull together the plan we made on the flight home.
Even Caty is screening my calls and texting me messages.
Caty: Take a breath, honey. I’m working on my mom, but you know she’s afraid of poor people and the gays, so asking her to go to bat for someone who is both of those things is tricky.
Caty: Don’t you worry your pretty little head, though. I’m working on making her think that you might propose if your team wins the National Championship, and Brody is the key to making that happen. *fingers crossed emoji*
Caty: Beck, honey. If you call me again, I’m blocking your number. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. There’s nothing anyone can do for a few days at least. You’re just going to have to be patient.
Beck: I can’t. He hates me, Caty. HATES ME. I can’t stand knowing he’s out there thinking that I’m like my father.
Caty: I’m sure he didn’t mean that. He was angry. He’ll come back after the holiday break much calmer, and then you two can talk.
Beck: Calmer because he’ll decide he’s better off without me, maybe.
What if he’s right?
No. No, I can’t let that happen. There has to be a way to track him down. He has to turn on his phone at some point. Maybehe’ll have blocked my number, but he can’t block everyone, can he?
Beck: Have you heard anything?
Aaron Eros: For the thousandth time today, no.
