I winced. He had a point there.
“Look, kid”—He dragged his chair a little closer— “drinking your problems away is a slippery slope. Trust me, I’ve been there. It might feel good in the moment, but eventually you’ll wake up and find your whole life has slipped through your fingers.”
Given I was now in hospital, Frank wasn’t being dramatic. If he hadn’t found me when he did… “Was I really asleep on the train tracks?”
“Yes. Not for long. I’d been hanging back to give you some space, so I reckon you were only out for a few minutes.”
I groaned. “Fuck. That was stupid.”
“It was.”
“I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” I said, remembering his concerns from the night before. “Really. I was just trying to…escape.”
“I understand. You can’t though. Not that way. We’ve both got to be strong for Dominic, so that when he comes back, we’re the best versions of ourselves.”
There was such hope in his eyes that I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth: Dominic wasn’t coming back.
And, even if he did, I wouldn’t be here waiting for him.
His dad was right. I couldn’t escape him in a bottle. His ghost would be with me even when the alcohol took me.
But I could escape in other ways. By getting far away from here. Starting a new life. Becoming someone new.
Someone who didn’t need Dominic.
Someone Dominic wouldn’t even recognise.
‘You can’t be happy without me.’
‘Fucking watch me.’
Epilogue – Dominic
PRESENT DAY
The chill in the air felt like coming home. Which was apt, because that was exactly what I was doing. Not by coming back to England.
By coming back to Ryan. He was my home. Ten long years hadn’t changed that.
I hadn’t stepped foot on British soil in a decade. Hadn’t allowed myself to. Borders and distance were all that had kept me from finding my Shadow and throwing myself at his feet.
Instead, my time off had been spent travelling. Growing. Becoming a man who might actually be worthy of Ryan Davies.
‘It shouldn’t be this hard, Dom. We’re eighteen, for fuck’s sake. This is what happens in relationships. Shit gets real, and people break up.’
‘Grow up, Dominic.’
It was the fear that Ryan was right that had kept me away. That our age was what was holding us back from happiness. I knew that, when I returned, there could be no obstacles in our way. I owed it to him to become someone better. Someone who deserved his love.
But I’d left it too late. Now there was one huge obstacle in our path, as evidenced by the raucous party happening on the other side of the door I was currently staring at.
Ryan’s stag do.
A figure stepped up beside me. “I still say this is a fucking terrible idea.”
I didn’t bother to look at Max. I knew the expression he’d be wearing: a mixture of shame and loathing. “And I still say it’s got fuck all to do with you. Keep trying to derail this and we’ll be exchanging blows again.”
Again, because that was what had happened the last time he interfered. A choice he’d made that had left us both with black eyes, bleeding lips, and a friendship I wasn’t sure could ever be repaired.
