Max rolled his eyes. “Told you I didn’t need them. Now you know why. I signed up months ago. Plan was always to leave before Results Day.”
I rubbed at my temples, trying to keep up. “So that’s it? You’re just…leaving?”
I should have been happy about it. No more Max sneering at me whenever I opened my mouth. Dominic and I wouldn’t need to hide anymore. Not that I was ready to come out right now…but maybe we wouldn’t need to wait as long as I’d thought.
For some reason, I wasn’t happy though. Max was a dick, but he was still my brother. My twin. He was only eighteen. How was that old enough to join the military? For fuck’s sake, the UK was actively fighting in both Iraq and Afghanistan. My stomach flipped as I thought about Max under the desert sun. Facingoff against militants with sniper rifles. Thousands of miles away from everyone he knew and loved.
How could I be happy about that? I couldn’t. Especially when it wasn’t just me being affected. Just look how upset Mum and Dad were. However they were feeling, Dominic was going to feel ten times worse.
How could Max do this to him? There was no way he knew. I would’ve heard about it before now. He wouldn’t be happy about Max doing this.
Some of the determination in Max’s expression crumpled as Mum sobbed harder. He shuffled closer and placed a hand awkwardly on her shoulder. “Come on, Mum. It’s not that bad. I won’t be able to come home in the first few months, but I’ll call and write as often as I can.”
“I don’t want you to go,” Mum hiccupped. “You’re my baby. You can’t just leave.”
Helpless. That was how Max looked as he stared down at our mother. Helpless and surprised. Was it any wonder though? Had he honestly thought she wouldn’t care about him leaving? About her teenage son choosing a path that put him in direct danger?
I think he did believe that. For the first time, I understood what Dominic had been alluding to all those months ago. Max believed our parents loved us differently. That they cared more about me than him.
This only proved how wrong he’d been. I didn’t think I’d ever seen either of them so heartbroken.
“I have to,” Max said quietly. “Everything’s been signed. They’re expecting us on the third.”
Something about that sentence had alarm bells ringing, but what was it?
Before I could wonder about it, Max continued. “Besides, even if they weren’t, I can’t let Dominic down. This was his idea. I can’t let him go alone. I won’t.”
‘I can’t let Dominic down.’
‘This was his idea.’
‘His idea.’
‘His idea.’
The room seemed to tilt. I grabbed onto the back of a chair to steady me. “What?”
Max’s eyes shifted to me. Was that guilt shining there? “We’re both due at Aldershot barracks on the third of August.”
It was like my brain was refusing the information. Maybe it was. If we didn’t accept it, maybe it wouldn’t be true. “You and Dominic? No. There’s no way.”
Mum started to cry again and Max’s expression shifted. The familiar poison was back. “Yes. Me and Dominic. Both of us.”
Both of them. Together.
Once again, leaving me behind.
The sound of my heart cracking was almost deafening.
27
Ryan
I didn’t remember leaving the house.
I must’ve though, because the next thing I knew, I was in the street.
And I was running.
