Not yet, anyway. A boy had to have some self-restraint.
Some.
Right now, I was too fixated on finding out what observations Evan had made. I’d seen myself through others’ eyes before, but often the results had been cruel.
‘Weak.’
‘Can’t concentrate for more than a few seconds.’
‘Taken out by a cold.’
‘You talk too much.’
‘Why bother doing that? You’ll lose interest in a few days.’
For most of my life, my family had starved me of everything I needed to thrive. Here Evan was, offering me food.Morsels of my own life that he’d noticed but wasn’t criticising.
I was starving for it.
“Most of all though,” he said softly, “I saw you disappear inside yourself. You’ve barely been sleeping. Eating’s been very hit and miss too. You’ve withdrawn from your friends. Aside from going to work, you don’t leave your house.”
Tears burned behind my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. “Can you blame me? Like you said, I barely left my house and others still got hurt because of me.”
“And fully recovered in a few minutes.”
“My friends wouldn’t,” I said thickly. “I can’t risk them, Ev. I won’t.”
Evan hummed. “Maybe you don’t have to. I have a few ideas around that.”
This had all gotten too intense. It was bad enough that I was struggling, but to know Evan had seen it too?
It was unbearable. Another reflection of how weak I was. How I should have been able to snap out of it.
I picked at the loose thread again. I had sewing needles at home somewhere from an abandoned attempt at making my own clothes. I’d picked up enough to fix this though. If Evan didn’t mind, of course. “What else did you notice?”
Evan went with my change of subject. “When you’re overstimulated, you put on your headphones and sit in the same place on the sofa. But when you’re not, you like to game on your Switch while watchingFriendson the TV and having a true crime documentary running on your laptop.”
My lips twitched. “I like the comfort ofFriendswhile I’m being scarred by the documentary.”
“I know,” he said good-humouredly. “You wear all sorts when you go to work, but as soon as you’re home youchange into a baggy T-shirt and joggers. If I had to guess, it’s because they’re super soft.”
“Jeans feel scratchy after you’ve been in them all day.”
“Tell me about it. I’m never very upset if I shift while wearing denim. Just gives me an excuse to not wear them again.”
Once more, my lack of filter came into play. “Shame, because you fill them out really well.”
“Huh. I hadn’t thought of it like that.” His tongue darted over his lower lip. My eyes followed it hungrily. “Maybe you can come shopping with me for a few new pairs.”
I pretended to consider it. “Would you model them for me?”
“Aye, of course.” Evan’s deep rumble had goosebumps rising. “You’d have to come into the fitting rooms with me though. I might need help with the buttons.”
I nodded solemnly. “They can be very tricky.”
We stared at each other, heat lingering, before I dragged my gaze away with a raw chuckle. “Who knew you were as good at getting distracted as me?”
Evan gave me a crooked grin. “That’s kind of my point, Reid. I know all of this stuff about you, but you don’t know anything about me. And I want you to know me. The real me. Not the version you remember from thirteen years ago. Not the guilt-ridden me who’s been constantly fucking up since walking back into your life.”
