Evan and I couldn’t ever be anything more than acquaintances. I hadn’t run away from a shifter clan just to land myself right in the middle of another.
Not that Evan would want a future with someone like me. I was too chaotic. Too weak. Too…human.
Various people had invited me out over the past few months, but I’d only been tempted by one. Logan had pushed for me to join the McCarthys and Chester over both Christmas and New Year’s. I’d almost said yes. The word had been hovering on the tip of my tongue.
But then Logan had told me Evan wouldn’t be there. Emphatically.
And the idea had suddenly lost all appeal.
No, I didn’t know why I wanted to see Evan so desperately either. I was the one who’d set the boundary. I was the one who’d insisted we maintain it. I was the one who’d made him feel like shit after we hooked up.
I was completely in the wrong; I knew that. But I wasn’t a logical person at the best of times. My life had been completely upended over the past few months, and I was…scared. Scared that it’d never get better. That I wouldn’t get any version of the future I’d dreamed of for myself. That the past few years were the best I’d ever experience.
Most of all, I was exhausted. And alone.
So fucking alone.
Again, my fault. Knowing that didn’t make me feel any better though.
I could have really used a hug. Just someone holding me tight and whispering that everything would be okay. That they’d look after me. I’d never had that before, but it sounded nice. Better than nice.
Perfect.
Any of my friends would have done that for me. I was sure of it.
But they weren’t the ones I wanted it from.
I was trudging back to my car at the end of a long day. Chester had invited me over to his for dinner, but I’d declined, claiming I’d meal prepped for the week the day before.
We both knew it was bullshit. I was lucky if I remembered to buy food, let alone actually plan or prep my meals. There’d been a few times where Logan or Finlay had taken pity on me and had a takeaway delivered anonymously, but even those I’d barely touched. Food held no appeal for me at the moment.
They weren’t the only things that had randomly turnedup at my house. One of them must’ve spotted my current fixation on puzzles. I wasn’t sure which of them was sending them, and I was too embarrassed to ask. To admit that I was struggling, and that those puzzles were the only things stopping me from falling deeper into the abyss.
Thankfully, Chester didn’t call me on my bullshit. He just bid me goodbye with a crinkle between his brows. It was pretty much a permanent feature when he looked at me now.
I hated that he was worried about me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that he cared enough to worry…but I didn’t like that my behaviour was impacting him.
Just as much of a burden as when you were a child.
Even dead, I couldn’t get the fucker’s voice out of my head.
The roads were dark as I followed my usual route home on autopilot. We were in the full grip of winter. The past few mornings, you’d almost been able to smell snow on the air. Usually, I’d be checking the weather obsessively and pulling up images of clouds to compare with the ones outside my window.
Not this year.
Through my car window, I glimpsed a flash of red fur. I didn’t often see my guards, but whenever I did, they weren’t Evan.
Maybe he couldn’t stand to be around me now. I wouldn’t blame him. I’d behaved appallingly ever since he’d walked back into my life.
Pulling up outside my flat, I flicked the engine off. I didn’t move immediately. It was fucking brassic out there. Even without the depression, I’d need a minute or so to psyche myself up to leave the warmth of my car.
When the chill started to creep in, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer. Bracing myself, I stepped out into the freezing night. In the time it took me to close the car door, and turn towards my house, a wolf had appeared in my path.
I froze. “What’s wrong?”
The wolf wasn’t facing me. He was focused on the road, his hackles raised as he gave a low growl.
“Oh shit,” I whimpered. “They’re coming for me, aren’t they?”
