I just had to fucking hope that this glimpse didn’t take over my vision. I knew how it felt to spend your life wondering what it would be like if things were different.
I didn’t want to do that with Evan.
We didn’t speak as he got himself off. Instead, we kissed. My hands in his hair, his lips on mine.
As he came, I pulled back to see his face. The lines between his eyes as his orgasm slammed into him. The satisfied tug of his lips. The utter peace that erased the lines of tension I was so used to seeing on him.
For a moment, I let myself imagine that fantasy life. The different ways I could put that expression on Evan’s face. How we could build a fire with secret touches in public, letting the inferno burn once we were behind closed doors.
If things were different, Evan could have been the prince I’d been waiting for. He’d treat me right; I knew that. He wasn’t the male I’d imagined him to be since the conference.
He was someone far more dangerous. Someone with the power to break me in ways my family never could.
Oblivious to the spiral I was on, Evan gave me a sleepy smile. “That was perfect.”
It was. Fuck, it was.
I hated that.
“Let me get you something to clean up with,” he said, easing off me carefully. “Stay right there.”
Logically, I knew I should be the one to find something. We were in my flat, after all. But I knew enough about shifters to know that this was something his wolf wanted. To care. To protect. To cherish.
I’d been wrong. Evan did embody the qualities wolfshifters were proud of. Someday, he was going to make his mate very happy.
But that was never going to be me.
A lump formed in my throat, making it difficult to swallow. I shouldn’t have stopped kissing him. I should’ve closed my eyes so as to never possess the knowledge I now had.
Maybe if I had, I’d be able to breathe properly. Instead, it felt like someone had filled my lungs with glass.
What-if was a dangerous game to play.
You’d think I’d know better by now.
When he returned, a damp flannel in his hand, I reached out to grab it. “Here, I’ve got it.”
He paused with a frown. “I don’t mind.”
I met his gaze to see his wolf staring back at me. It almost had me backing down, but I couldn’t. The lines between us had been blurred, and that was on me. Evan had given me exactly what I needed, but now those lines had to be redrawn. “It’s fine. I’d rather do it myself.”
Once again, I wished I’d looked away. That I hadn’t seen how his shoulders stiffened. How swiftly the tension returned. The utter dejection that flashed through his eyes before he slammed his walls up.
“Okay,” he said quietly, handing it over. “I should get dressed.”
My hand trembled as I wiped away the evidence of what had transpired between us.
There. Like it never happened.
Why did that send a crack through my heart?
I was being ridiculous. Evan and I had hooked up, and that was it. It didn’t need to change or complicate anything. We were both adults here.
But as Evan, now dressed, met my gaze, I knew that wasn’t going to be the case.
“Reid, I think we should?—”
“Nope,” I said brusquely, standing up and reaching for the towel. With a few jerky movements, I had it secured back around my waist. “We had fun, Evan, but that’s all it was.”
