Hamish stiffened, his lips thinning. “I think ye mean I’m the one who failed ye.”
What the fuck was he talking about? “Um, absolutely not. You kept me alive while facing multiple shifters. Alone. Long enough for reinforcements to arrive. You didn’t fail me, Hamish. You protected me.”
His green eyes were uncertain as they met mine. “Really?”
Fuck it. He looked like he needed a hug.
Throwing my arms around his middle, because reaching his shoulders would be too awkward, I squeezed him tight. “Positive. Thank ye.”
Brodie cleared his throat. “Looks like they’re building a barricade to fire from behind. Should we get on that?”
I released Hamish and realised the three of them were looking to me for an answer. “Yeah. That would be great, thanks.”
After they left, I turned to see Evan smiling at me softly. “What?”
“That was a nice thing you did,” he said, wiping off his hands and straightening. “Hamish has probably been beating himself up since the other night. He wouldn’t have listened to any of us telling him the same thing, but coming from you? I think it will’ve got through. Shifters are notorious for not letting go of mistakes. The tiniest supposed failure can dog us for years. Hopefully that won’t happen now with Hamish.”
I studied him as he watched his friends furiously piling snow into a low wall. A nagging sensation began to burn at the base of my skull. Had Evan let go of the guilt I’d thrust upon him? We’d talked about it once and agreed to leave it in the past…but how could I? If there was even the smallest chance Evan was still suffering, I had to fix it.
I couldn’t bear him hurting. Especially not because of my past arsehole-ish actions.
Evan hadn’t said what he just had to make me feel bad. I didn’t think the similarities in the situations had even occurred to him. He was just happy that I’d put his friend’s mind at ease.
But they’d occurred to me.
What Evan felt was likely a hundred times worse than what Hamish had been feeling, but all I’d done was apologise. Suddenly, it didn’t feel like nearly enough. This was Evan. The one who’d stood through storms to keep me safe. Who’d memorised details about me that no one else would even care enough to notice. Who’d come running whenever I’d called. Whenever he thought I might need him.
Who’d offered up his heart, knowing full well I’d likely break it.
I couldn’t let this linger. I just couldn’t. I had to know he was okay. That he knew what he’d done was right.
That I’d been the one in the wrong.
Evan turned to me with a grin, completely unaware of the mental journey I’d just taken. “You ready to take down some cocky shifters?”
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, tears filling my eyes. “Ev, I’m so fucking sorry.”
His brow crinkled as he took my elbow, pulling me deeper into the woods. “For what, sweetheart? I don’t understand.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” I said. Well, blubbered, if I were being honest. Evan’s company might have been pushing back the numbness, but that meant my emotions were wobblier than a house of cards on a windy day. “You tried your best too. You took time out of your busy schedule to spend time with a chatty human kid. You showed me kindness when no one else did. And since you’ve come back into my life, you’ve continued to show me the same kindness, and I’ve just punished you over and over again. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, hey, hey.” He pulled me into his arms, resting his chin on my head. “Enough of this, sweetheart. We’ve talkedabout this already. I don’t need your apologies, and I certainly don’t want them.”
“But I was so awful,” I sobbed, clutching at the front of his coat. “I took all of my past out on you, and that wasn’t fair.”
“Reid, I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on this,” he said, stroking my back in soothing motions. “You were well within your rights to be mad at me. What happened wasn’t my fault, but I’ll always regret making the decision I did.”
“You didn’t make them abuse me.”
“I didn’t stop it either.” He eased me back to look at me. “I want us to move forward from this, Reid, but I can’t forget it.”
See, this was why this conversation was needed. We’dsaidwe could leave it in the past, but neither of us had done.
Me, by not fully accepting what I’d put Evan through…and him by not releasing the guilt.
“I think we can only go forward if we close the door on this, Ev. Properly this time. I’m letting go of the anger, but you need to let go of the guilt. I’m not saying either of us need to forget it happened, but we can’t keep letting it shape who we are to each other now. It’s not fair for either of us.”
He exhaled slowly before nodding. “Okay. I can try and do that. But I want you to accept three things in return.”
