Before he assumed that Benson had no idea what he actually meant, the man said, “I’m not going to deny what you and I used to have. That would bestupid,especially now that Eden knows about it. But she’s my focus. She wants you involved, and since it aligns with my other interests… for now, I’m fine with it. But I don’t want to send you mixed messages.”
“Way too late for that, dude.”
“I’m sorry. It’s not fair to you. I realize that.”
Wow. Big of him to admit.One of the pinch points of their long-term relationship had been Benson’s inability to wear hisheart more on his sleeve, even when alone with Liam. Over the two and a half years they were together, Benson gradually revealed that he had never been emotionally intimate with another man before, so it took him a while to open up like that with Liam, despite claiming to love him.It was a big win for both of us.This was a man who adamantly refused to ever be the little spoon with anyone. And the man who would sexually experiment with strange men he cruised for, but when it came to an actual relationship, he wanted things a certain way.Namely, he was Daddy.Except Liam only called him that in jest.
They had been making tremendous progress after getting engaged. They were about to come out to the public, something Liam had wanted for years. Then…
“Me saying that we should get another girlfriend after getting married isn’t the real reason you broke up with me,” Liam said. “It was just the catalyst, right?”
Benson didn’t say anything. That usually meant he agreed.
“You were already looking for an out. I should have seen it earlier.”
“It’s not your fault,” Benson said. “For what it’s worth, I felt awful after we broke up.”
“You mean after you dumped me. And, no, it’s not worth much. You fucking wrecked me, Ben. I was building my life around you. We lived together.” Not on paper, but half of Liam’s daily things were in this apartment, and they spent six out of seven nights together. To the point that Liam often couldn’t sleep in the bed in his own apartment because it wasn’t “quite right” after he got so used to Benson’s. “We were getting married. I was going to shove you down my parents’ throats, and you were going to buck the status quo in your industry. Just so we’re clear, I’m convinced thatbothPerkins and Lark would have shown up to the wedding.” It wasn’t going to be a big ordeal. Fifty people maximum, and outside of a very privateceremony, the main bulk of the wedding would have been a reception at a hotel downtown.I even promised I wouldn’t hire a drag queen.Liam was totally gonna hire a drag queen behind Benson’s back.
“I’m sorry.”
“I appreciate your apology, but look at us, in a quagmire again. All because of pussy.”
“Yeah, well, it’s a great pussy.”Liam was so caught off guard that Benson justsaid thathe almost didn’t hear the tea mug hitting the island in finality.
“I love her,” Benson said. “Eden. I love her.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“The way she looks at me… in and out of the bedroom… it’s uncanny.”
“I’m familiar with the feeling.”
“Reminds me of…”
Benson didn’t finish.Me. It reminds him of me.
“This is so fucking stupid,” Liam said, hands gesticulating how he really felt. “What the hell are we doing? Having a midnight talk about what we used to be? Who are we now? Because of a woman? Whom weboth metwhile doing thevery thing we love most?”
“You can’t be serious. Fucking whatever women we wanted wasn’t the one thing we loved the most.”
“I’d love to know what you thought it was.”
“Battlestar Galactica.”
Liam rubbed his temple. “You really got me there.”
“It’s a good show.”
“I never said it wasn’t. I went to that fan conference with you.” Liam had even worn all the nerdy shit to give thereal nerdsome cover.The things I did for him…
Because of love. Or something like that.
“Do you still have feelings for me?”
Liam wanted to crawl into the cupboards beneath the island counter. “What do you think? You were my first real love, or what the hell ever.”
“Seriously?”
