I should be more upset about Karim and less about Graham. Maybe it was because Karim and I already had our chance, and I’d already known in my heart for months that things were over. But things with Graham were new. There was so much we could’ve been, so much potential.
Sure, being basically told that he thought I cared so little about him that I’d choose a complete stranger over him solely because of monetary gain had hurt. A lot. But maybe I could’ve asked him why he thought that and wait for an apology before lashing out and telling him to get out of my face.
“A penny for your thoughts?” Carly said. “You got really quiet suddenly.”
“It’s nothing,” I lied.
“It’s Graham,” Elana said, calling me out. “We both heard the fight. All I can say is not to take it too personally. He’s got some baggage he needs to get over.” Her face softened. “And you were having a stressful day. Could you both have gone about it better? Sure. But no one’s perfect.”
“Take a look at it this way,” Carly said. “At least you now know you were both serious. If he weren’t, then he wouldn’t have gotten so upset at the thought of you choosing someone else. And you wouldn’t have cared what he thought of you. Things will work out.”
“Thanks. I hope you’re right.”
“And besides, you’re coming back to visit sometime, right?” Carly speared a piece of waffle from her plate. “So there are plenty of chances for things to work out.”
Chapter 28
Graham
IpacedDesmon’sestatefence as Meera laughed and socialized with everyone inside. She was going back to New York, but the girls had decided to all meet one more time. They were having tea in the garden, and even Mateo sat awkwardly at the table, his huge hands struggling with the dainty tea cups. Gunnar and Eamon were having a friendly competition to see how many of the mini cakes and pastries they could stuff in their mouths, much to Lillian and Tansy’s chagrin.
Everyone was having fun perfectly fine without me. And every time I got the itch to storm in there, I just had to remind myself that my presence would only make things feel weird. They thought I was on a job, but that had ended over an hour ago.
Meera had rejected the dragon’s offer, something I should’ve known she’d do if only I’d not been so fucking stuck in my own mind and actually listened to her. Instead, I’d listened to my own fears and hang-ups, and lashed out at her. And now I was certain she didn’t want to see me.
I’d gotten confirmation when Lillian had told her I couldn’t make it when she’d arrived, and Meera had looked almost relieved. She’d even said, “Whatever. I’m not here to see him. I’m here for you guys.”
And so I was watching the festivities from the safety of the bushes, wondering how long I’d have to wait for her to forgive me. Because here was the thing: the moment I’d stomped off out of Desmon’s library, the truth of it hit me like a physical blow. Meera was mine. Mine. My mate.
This was exactly what I’d been avoiding all this time, telling myself I was still hung up on Seraphina, that I wasn’t ready. When the truth was I was too scared to find someone else, only to have them treat me the way Sara had: as disposable. I’d been so caught up in my own feelings of inadequacy that I’d fucked it all up for myself.
And it wasn’t just thetiming or the delivery. It was the whole damn thing. I’d fucked up. Meera had given me no reason to think or say what I did. It had all been in my head. I justhaven’t figured out how to approach her and what to say. And I definitely didn’t want to do it with everyone there.
The plan was to wait for everyone to leave so I could have a moment alone with her. Then I’d tell her how I feel. I knew she had to get back to New York because of her work and her life, but I could go with her. I’d much prefer to drive her than let someone like Flame do it, because I was sure the ifrit would volunteer for the job.
On the drive there, we’d make up, and I’d ask her to show me around New York. I didn’t know how things would go, but in every iteration of the event in my head, we’d end up together again. And when the time was right, I’d tell her she was my mate and convince her to move back here with me. Or maybe I’d move to the big city. I hadn’t figured it all out yet.
But I needed to get her alone.
Most of the seemingly never-ending supply of baked goods was gone when the first drops of rain had them all bringing the party inside. I’d thought they’d stay in sight within the parlor overlooking the formal garden, but instead they moved farther into the home.
I moved along the fence looking for a window I could see inside, but found none. I was making another round around the estate when a flickering in my peripheral vision had me turning to see a certain annoying ifrit coalescing in front of me.
“What the hell are you doing snaking around, gargoyle?” Flame demanded. “You’re lucky Blaze convinced me not to drag you out of the shadows in front of everyone earlier.”
“I’m allowed here,” I said.
I knew I hadn’t triggered any of the alarms and wards. I technically hadn’t touched the estate line, and even if I had, Desmon had put in an exception for me.
“That doesn’t mean we couldn’t feel your presence lingering like some unwanted ghost. My question is, why the fuck are you hiding here and not saying goodbye to Meera?”
“It’s none of your business, ifrit.”
“Technically, it is. You’re sneaking round the estate, and that is literally my business. I get paid to keep this place safe, and right now you’re an intruder.”
“I’m not inside, and even if I was, I was invited.”
“Fine. Potential intruder. And it’s too late now anyway. Meera already left.”
