“Yeah, I know.” He rolls his eyes. “But that’s a good word. We’ll do this.”
“How tired are you?” I ask. “Because we could get started right now.”
He sighs. “Snorkeling is notfor the weak, but I’m alive. The panic is what got me.”
“Sorry,” I say again. “We can wait.”
“No, let’s do this. I have enough energy to spare.”
I eye him. “Are you sure about that?”
Hedoeslook tired. I wonder how tiring snorkeling could actually be. “Today was a day, but I wanna spend time with you. And that includes helping you conquer your fear, so let’s go.”Finally, he smiles at me and gestures to the door.
My body nearly melts in response. I can’t stand it when he’s mad. I’d much rather have this side of him.
“Good. I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but let’s go to the pool.”
My bravery wanesthe second we’re on the pool deck. I can see the bottom, and the water’s clear—already seemingly better than what I fell into the day before—but just the sight of it sets me on edge.
“We can turn back at any time.” Nate hasn’t even pulled hisshirt off yet. I have a feeling he doubts that I’ll get close. “There’re plenty of other things to do on the boat, you know.”
“I’m doing this.” I take a shaky breath. I have to force my feet to move. The pool deck is decently busy, especially since we’re about to leave port.
Within a few feet, my body starts to lock up, so I stop and stare at the water.
“You’re doing good.” Nate’s voice is soft, and I have no doubt that he’s his usual distance away. With his long arms, he could easily reach me if I fell in. But I still want him closer.
No. I’m not thinking about that right now. I need to focus on my fear of the water and getting over it.
There’s a nearby lounge chair, so I walk over to it and take my shoes off. When I get done with that, I slowly creep toward the edge of the pool.
I’m only at the shallow end. Even though I can see the bottom, the water looks like it could be endless. My fists tighten and my breathing speeds up. Suddenly, this seems like a terrible idea.
But being afraid doesn’t mean I need to turn away. I have to remember that.
Nate’s hand lands on my arm. “Obi Wan?”
“N-not yet. Let me get closer.”
“This is the closest you’ve ever gotten to a pool since we were kids. It’s a big step.”
“I can do more.”
“Would it help if I go with you?”
Nate’s hand is still on me, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that it would. I don’t want to admit that I need him because it’s going to hurt when he inevitably puts distance between us again.
I give him a jerky nod and he moves from being behind me to by my side. His hand stays on my arm as I inch closer to the pool.
“Try sitting,” he offers. “It’s a little less scary when you’re not standingover the edge.”
I back up before sitting on my butt and scooching toward it. Nate’s right. It’s marginally less scary, but I still feel like I’m inching my way toward my own death.
I have to stop when I’m sitting cross-legged at the edge of the pool. That’s more progress than I’ve made in many years.
“Would it make it worse if I got in?” Nate asks. He put on his swim trunks when we came out here just in case he had to dive in to save me. I knew I wouldn’t be going far, so I gave the excuse that I needed to wash mine, so I’m in my normal clothes.
I shake my head in response and he finally lets go of me to hop into the water. He does it like it’s natural, with no fear of what could happen. The water doesn’t even come up to his hips, which makes me feel like an idiot for being so terrified of this.
