“I’m a little insulted after I saved you yesterday.” The tone I don’t like is back.
“Not like that. I know you’ll always catch me if you’re around, but when I was in there, I washelpless. I didn’t know what I was doing or how to get up.”
“You were scared.”
“I don’t wanna drown because I’m scared,” I say. “I want to be ... brave and see if I can beat this.”
He pauses. “You want to intentionally traumatize yourself to be brave?”
“Fear isn’t always a bad thing, but if you hadn’t saved me, I would have drowned. I’m not saying this’ll be fun, but I need to know how to save myself. I can’t keep avoiding things.”
“Is Scarlett putting you up to this?”
“Not really. She asked me if I felt up to it, and honestly, I neverwill. But I can do it when you’re with me. Which is why I’m asking you to help me.”
“Me?”
“You’re my safe person. If anyone can get me out of my head and into the water, it’s you.”
He considers it, but his eyebrows are pinched. “It didn’t go well when we tried before.”
“We were kids,” I say with a shake of my head. “This time I’m choosing it.”
Nate sighs. “Yeah, I see why you blacked out this afternoon and didn’t text me. You’re really considering this?”
“I even bought a swimsuit. I’m serious about it.”
Nate’s eyes widen. “I can tell.”
“Please at least consider it.”
“I am. But we need ground rules. This is ... a decent idea, but I’m worried about what this is gonna do to you.”
Considering the thought of facing my fear makes me want to run for the hills, I still nod. “I know. It’s not gonna be pleasant for either of us. And I’m not saying that I try to conquer it immediately, just take steps to. Like getting close to the water to get used to it.”
“So, going slow. That I can agree to.”
“Yes!”
“But,” he says slowly. “I don’t want you to feel like you did yesterday, okay? That was ... I can’t take that again. Or the aftereffects.”
The aftereffects. Like me cuddling with him.
Ouch.
I push the thought away. I don’t need to spiral again when I’ve already messed up enough for one day. Instead, I nod. “I’ll stop before I get afraid.”
“You’ll be afraid the whole time.”
“Okay, true.” I cross my arms. “What if we have a safe word? Like if it’s too far, I say it and we stop.”
He goes pale at the mention of a safe word, but eventually, he nods. “All right. That’s also a decent idea.”
“If I say the word ...” I consider it. “Obi Wan, then we stop.”
“Your safe word is aStar Warscharacter?” He shakes his head. “If Scarlett is the one who made you see the light, I’m gonna be pissed.”
“She didn’t, but a safe word should be something that never comes up in conversation, and I wouldneverbringStar Warsup.”
