“But I’myourasshole. When Nate continues to ignore you and you’re alone, come find me. I’ll tell you I was right, but maybe I’ll take a little pity on you.”
With one last laugh, he steps away and goes into his apartment complex. I’m left heaving, wondering if he’s right. I check my phone to see if my ride is close, and then go to call Nate.
It dies before I can.
“No,” I hiss. “Fuck.”
Running my hands through my hair, I pace. I need to get to Nate. I need toexplain.
I’m considering hot-wiring Rob’s car when my ride finally arrives. The drive to Nate’s apartment is spent with me either begging the driver to ignore all the laws or trying to figure out what to tell him.
I barely even say goodbye to the guy the second we pull in. Myheart pounds as I race up the stairs to his apartment door. When I’m in front of it, I take a shaky breath before knocking.
“Nate?” I ask. “Hey, it’s me.” There’s only silence as I wait. I can imagine him on the other side, wondering whether to open it up or not. “Please open the door. We really need to talk.”
There’s still no answer. It feels like my heart is cracking in my chest and I shut my eyes, wishing I could go back in time and do it all differently.
But Rob can’t be right. Surely, Nate isn’t done with me.
“I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be. I’mnotwith Rob, and I said it all wrong. You can absolutely have space from me, butplease, can I explain myself? I’ll leave you alone after. I promise.”
I stare at the door, hoping my pleading will reach him, but nothing changes. The door doesn’t open and there’s no sound on the other side.
My breathing speeds up. No,no.
I wait, hoping he’s in the bathroom or he’s just getting dressed. I silently beg for the door to open. I don’t care if he’s mad or if he yells at me. I just need to talk to him.
Sinking to the floor, I wonder if this is really where it ends. I didn’t realize how much I couldn’t live without him. I didn’t realize how easily I could mess things up.
There’s no telling how much time passes while I sit there. I want to wait it out, but the longer the silence continues, the more I regreteverything.
We had a chance to get this right, to be something.
And I fucked it up.
The sun has long since set as I sit on the dirty floor of his apartment breezeway. I’m curled into a ball when I finally hear the click of a door opening.
I sit up, hoping this is my chance.
But it’s not Nate’s door. It’s his neighbor, an old woman with two dogs.
“Oh,” she says when she sees me. “What are you doing down there?”
Disappointment makes me slump against the wall again. “Just ... waiting.”
She eyes me, and then the door behind me. “You’re that guy’s girlfriend, aren’t you?”
I flinch at the words. “I ... I don’t know, actually.”
She puts her hands on her hips. “Well, how could you not know? You young people make everything so complicated these days. Just be together or don’t be. There’s no reason to sit outside begging for a chance.”
“I’m guessing you heard me.”
“Oh, yeah. The walls areverythin. You’re wasting your time anyway.”
“I’m not giving up,” I say as my fists tighten into balls. “I just need him to open the door and talk to him.”
“Well, he won’t be opening that door.”
