“You make it your life’s mission to be emotionally immature.”
“No, just immature. I’ve had a lot of practice handling my emotions.” He takes a sip of his drink, leaving me to think about what Scarlett had said about talking to him about my own issues.
“Do you wanna walk around the boat?” I ask. “I think I need to move around.”
“Uh, yeah. I think I can handle that. As long as you can deal with being near the water in the dark.”
“I’ll do my best.”
We meander, talking about small things that don’t really matter. I’m doing my best to work up the courage to say anything when we get to the bow of the ship. Wind whips at my hair and the sky is dark and empty.
“Never got the courage to come out here,” I say.
“You’d be looking at the endless ocean,” he reminds me. “That’s not historically your favorite thing.”
“Yeah, well.” I bite my lip before turning to him. “I’m working on trying new things.”
“And you’re doing it well. Never did I think you’d be learning to swim.”
“Me either. But I am.”
“You’ll be wanting to do it soon enough.”
I shake my head. “Definitely not. But I’ve made progress. And I really owe you for ... all of it.”
“I just taught you how to swim.”
“Not just that,” I say. “You got me to come here inthe first place, and you’ve made sure I had a good time, even when I was being difficult.”
“Berry.” His voice is soft. “It’s nothing. I’d do all of this over again, and more.”
More?That’s exactly what I want.
I pull him into a tight hug, feeling the way he wraps his arms around me easily. My heart pounds in my ears. Am I really about to do this? Am I really about to ruin the friendship?
As my arms tighten around him, all I can think about is how terrified I am.
But this isn’t the first time I’ve been scared. I was when I got on the ship. When I fell into the water. When I willingly went back into it.
I survived all of those things.
I can survive this too.
Moving away only slightly, I catch his eyes with mine. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the words to express what he means to me. Maybe I don’t have to figure out the right thing to say.
I can show him instead.
And I lean in just the extra inch to kiss him.
Nate tenses, and I don’t blame him. Never in mylifedid I think I would be kissing Nate of all people, but I also didn’t think I’d ever learn to swim either.
It’s nothing more than a press of lips, but it means more to me than anything else I’ve done. This is the moment everything could change, or it could stay the same. I don’t know which will happen, but I’ll find out soon.
I give him a moment, and when he doesn’t move, I end it. I tell myself I’ll be okay if he doesn’t reciprocate and we’ll move on. Maybe one day we’ll laugh about this.
“What was that?” he asks.
“Me trying something.”
