Caeo follows my gaze. “It’s getting late. Should I go? Or…?” His brow raises as the word hangs.
Or what? Stay the night?
I didn’t think my heart could beat any faster, but I was clearly wrong.
Staying the night doesn’t necessarily mean…Does it?
But I want it to. I wantusto.
Don’t I?
Twin aches ripple through my heart and my core, insisting I do, but the moment doesn’t feel right. Forced, even. I’m tired, exhausted from the night’s revelations. The air has a staleness to it, devoid of the romance I’ve always dreamt of for my first time.
I circle my fingers against Caeo’s chest, and they catch on a lump beneath his shirt. “What’s this?” I pinch at the form. It’s like a pouch, overstuffed with something rough and pokey.
Caeo rests his hand on mine. “A necklace my mother gave me. Said my father would’ve wanted me to wear it.” With it pressed between his palm and his chest, a sharp, steady beat pulses through my fingers.
“You haven’t mentioned your father before.”
“I never met him. Out of the picture before I was born.”
I sigh, my thoughts returning to the issue at hand. Tomorrow is better. Reid promised he’d bring Caeo to me, and Alexis would never let me miss going to the ball with him. We should be safe.
And then my first time can be after a beautiful night, wearing a beautiful dress, with tonight’s worries far from our minds. We deserve that. A night to cherish one another before burying ourselves in the mystery coiling around us, threatening to tear us apart. I simply have to believe it’ll work out. We’ve defied the odds so far.
“You should go. I won’t get any sleep if you stay, and I want to be well-rested for the ball.” I swallow. “And what comes after.”
Caeo’s eyes widen, and the yearning deep within me twists tighter. “And what’s that, I wonder?”
“You’ll have to make sure you show up and find out.”
His smile falters. “That’s really not up to me, is it?”
My heart sinks, threatening to drown if I let it. “We have to trust Reid. It’s impractical for us to stay together at all times.”
“I know. I just hate the idea of leaving, not knowing if I’ll ever see you again.”
“That’s always the case—it’s impossible to know what the future will bring.” After all, I never imaginedthiswould be my life. “Now, we just won’t know what we’ve lost.”
“I don’t find that particularly comforting,” Caeo mumbles, but he pulls me to the door with him nonetheless. He turns back to me, his gray eyes scouring my face, then brings his lips to mine.
It’s a slow, tender kiss, and he pours himself into me, feeding the fire within. Heat stirs between my legs, aching for me to pull him deeper.
No. Not tonight.
Our lips part, and we linger, our breath entwining as I gaze into the smoky depths of his eyes.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Caeo nods, a subtle twitch of his head. “I’ll find you.”
He keeps hold of my fingers as he leaves, but they drift out of his grasp as he steps into the hallway.
My chest pounds as I ease the door shut, keeping him in my sight as long as possible while praying I’m not making a horrible mistake.
* * *
Sunlight warms my face through the window, like it has every morning since my arrival at the Academy. But the world outside is entirely different.
