He would tell me one day, when he was ready. I knew what it was like to hold back. If there was one thing I understood, it was trauma.
My mind drifted to my earlier revelation. I wasn’t surprised Shade was Raiden Emyrdeis, or that he sacrificed himself for his people. He had shown me only loyalty since he’d been released from the lamp, of course he had done the same for his people when he was king.
All the signs were there. The ruins we visited in Ferveem Forest had to be the original Emyrdeis castle, located so close to the cave Shade was hidden in. We had camped beside the field where his brother was finally defeated, a battle resulting in a sea of everlasting flowers.
It was all so obvious looking back now.
I snuggled closer, enjoying the warmth emanating from his body. As I inhaled his unique scent, it triggered a memory fromour time at Ferveem Forest, the first time he truly opened up to me.
“The purloe flower,” I murmured, “you said it was a gift.”
Shade stiffened beneath me, and I raised my head, catching the pain in his eyes before he masked it. I frowned at his reaction. I thought we were past his need to keep secrets, but it didn’t look like we were. “You don’t have to hide from me.”
Light-gray eyes softened, and he tightened his hold around me. In reassurance, I realized. “I know. It’s a hard habit to break.” He paused, and I waited him out, giving him time to come to terms with the truth. “The purloe flower was my mother’s favorite. At home, she had a special pergola covered in their vines. She sat out there every day, rain or shine, it’s probably in ruins now.” He sighed before he continued. “When I bargained with the Gods, Ammoraelis gifted me the scent for my time in the lamp. I think it was meant as a comfort, but it quickly became a quiet form of torture, a stark reminder of everything I had lost.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face, wiping away the pained expression, though his mouth remained tight, like he held the emotion at bay. I pushed up and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, then said, “Your mother’s pergola still stands, it’s the only thing not crumbling.”
“Thank you,” Shade said on a relieved sigh, and I started tracing his patterned scars again. We remained that way a while longer, wrapped in each other’s arms and lost to our own thoughts until he broke the silence again. “I sensed you.”
“What?”
He brushed a lock of hair from my face, and I leaned my chin on his chest to watch him. “When you were at the castle, in Ferveem Forest. I sensed you were close.”
Another memory surfaced. I’d cut my finger on a purloe thorn, and the forest had stilled. “How?”
“Magic? Fate? The Gods don’t deign to tell us. It was always meant to be you, Adelia. The sunshine in the darkness of my never-ending existence. My Solis.”
A warmth spread through my chest, filling the hollow cavity and soothing the charred remains of my soul. I had freed him from darkness, and in return, he gave me something I only let myself dream of.
Devotion.
Obsession.
Some would call it an unhealthy dependence. I needed him in an indescribable way. So much so, I didn’t know what my life would look like if he weren’t in it. In such a short time, he wriggled his way deep into my soul and latched on so tightly I had no hope of ever being freed.
I didn’t want to, though. I wanted to hold onto him with every ounce of strength I had and never let go, and I would free him from the confines of the lamp to do it.
Chapter 33
Iwas at another tedious dinner with Terym, but my thoughts were on another king. A forgotten one, one who refused to leave my mind.
Since finding out his true identity, Shade had consumed my every waking moment. I still visited with Eleanor every day, but even then, my thoughts were on Shade, anticipating the moment I would release him from the lamp and be in his presence again.
We had spent every night learning just how many times he could bring me pleasure before I tapped out, but I didn’t think there would ever be a limit.
Even now, my body hummed in anticipation as I recalled how his hands felt on my skin.
How deeply he explored my mouth.
What he could do with his tongue.
I’d only been triggered the few times we tried to introduce more, like playing with my nipples or using his fingers, but it was getting easier. The more comfortable I grew with his touch, theeasier it was to work through the complicated emotions filling me when I was triggered.
“Adelia, are you listening?” The king’s voice was short and disapproving, pulling me from my daydreams. He rarely spoke to me anymore, so it was surprising to hear him do it now.
“My apologies, my king. What was that?”
He scowled, his hand whitening against his fork. Meanwhile, General Lenek leered at me from across the table, amused by our exchange.
