So the king got that part of the story right. I flipped through the last few pages, disappointment settling in my gut. This story was the one Terym had told, and I was convinced it meant something, but I still didn’t have the answers I was after. I had been so sure it had something to do with Shade, but there was no mention of a lamp and nothing to indicate who he was and why he would be locked away.
I turned the final page and paused.
It was a sketch, the edges unrefined, like it had been an afterthought, an addition to the book that wasn’t supposed to be there. A familiar circular room made of white granite, with a towering pillar in the center. My heart accelerated when I took in the familiar spiraling steps.
“What’s this?” I could hardly get the question out as I pointed at the rough sketch. The Keeper barely glanced at it; he probably had every page memorized.
“No one knows, there’s no text to accompany it. Historians believe it was simply an unrelated sketch by the artist.”
My mind raced, and I packed away the book, thanking the Keeper, who’d waved me away. I left the library, barely noticing Pierce’s usual hulking presence trailing behind me.
Historians may not know what the pillar was, but I did.
I had seen it in person and climbed the hundreds of steps to the top. I just needed confirmation from the one person who would know the truth.
I made it to my suite quickly and closed the door to block Pierce before pulling the knife from my pocket and pricking my finger. Barely flinching at the sharp pain, I touched it to the warm metal of the lamp.
Shade’s dark smoke billowed from the spout, twirling to form the beautiful man who was quickly taking over my heart. His smile pulled wide the minute he solidified in front of me, and I took a moment to breathe him in. Florally lilac, deep sandalwood, andhim. It was everything comfortable and warm and safe.
Gods, the things this man made me feel.
When the smoky haze cleared entirely, Shade leaned forward and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear before cupping my jaw. I leaned into his touch, always seeking more of it. He kissed me, a small brush of his lips against mine. He had started doing that every day, never pushing or asking for more, careful not to trigger my panic attacks. His touch never did though. No, those attacks always crept up on me while I slept. In unconsciousness, my mind would replay that night. Sometimes, I wouldn’t make it to the lamp, other times, I watched Eleanorendure everything I had while I was frozen in place, unable to stop it.
Those nights were always the worst.
Every time I awoke, Shade would be there. Always careful. Always comforting. Every day, he showed me just how perfect he was, and it had my stomach in a constant state of fluttering, a thousand hummingbirds had taken up residence, with no clear sign of ever leaving.
“How was your morning, my Solis?” he murmured against my mouth.
“I found something,” I said, each word a caress against his lips. I stepped back, loathing to pull away, but I couldn’t think with him so close, and this conversation needed a clear head.
Shade chuckled at the distance I put between us. His scent and touch always muddled my thoughts. He had this perfect way of turning my mind to mush.
There was no way to ease into it, and I had waited so long. I needed the truth. “I know you’re Raiden Emyrdeis.”
Chapter 32
The smile drained from Shade’s face, his expression hardening into something akin to what he wore when he had first been released from the lamp. A blank mask.
Several beats of silence passed before he said, “Not anymore.”
“Why would you say that? You made a sacrifice to save your people. That’s why you’re in the lamp, isn’t it? You made a deal with the Gods.” I stepped closer as I spoke. His blankness struck my heart, searing past my walls. I wanted to bring back the Shade I had gotten to know over the past few months. He moved out of reach, and my heart sank into the pit of my stomach. I shouldn’t have blurted it out, I should have approached the conversation with more tact, more empathy.
Stupid. Stupid, Adelia.
“The only reason I needed to make that sacrifice was because I failed my people in the first place. If I kept a better eye on my brother, he wouldn’t—I should have stopped him.” His palms landed on the table, and his head hung between his shoulders.
“So many innocent lives lost, because I failed,” he whispered through heavy breaths.
He once told me he understood failure, that if I focused on failing, I would manifest it into reality—just like he had. “You suspected him?”
Shade’s shoulders slumped, and he lifted his head to face me. The utter anguish reflected there had a lump forming as emotion clogged my throat.
“Not at first. Not consciously. He’d grown increasingly … unbalanced. His moods were volatile and then he would disappear for days. I thought he was struggling to adjust, he always wanted to be king. I didn’t realize what he was doing until it was too late.”
“You can’t blame yourself for your brother’s actions, Raiden.” The name felt strange on my tongue, to call him anything other than Shade.
“Don’t call me that,” he muttered, pushing away from the table and turning his back to me, blocking me out.
