“Wouldn’t you want to know.” He was saying everything I had fought myself over for the past few years. Questioning whether she was ready, whether she could accept the truth now, but every time I looked into those hazel eyes, something held me back.
“I don’t know,” I whispered, moisture building in my eyes. “She’s still so young. Sotrusting. The truth will turn her world inside out, just like it did me. If I can ease that burden a little while longer, I will.”
He cupped my face, and I leaned into his palm. I shouldn’t let him get close, but I found I couldn’t resist when I was raw and open like this. “She’s lucky to have you.”
I closed my eyes at his words, forcing hot tears to roll down my cheeks. “What if I fail?” I hadn’t meant to offer the whispered confession. Voicing my deepest fear only made it all the more real. Shade touched his forehead to mine, and I breathed in his scent, drawing strength from the heat radiating from his body.
“What I know about failure is you can’t dwell on it. Focus on succeeding and you will. Don’t let your fears overcome your decisions, otherwise, you will make them reality.”
Something about his tone made me think he knew from experience. An undercurrent of deep-seated pain that spoke of loss and failure. “Is that what happened to you?”
“Yes.”
The anguish in the single word answer cracked something in my chest. There was still so much I didn’t know about his past. Every day we spent together showed me he, too, had a massive weight on his shoulders. I wanted to alleviate that burden as he had done for me. With Shade holding me so close, I was lighter than I had been since I watched my mother die.
It wouldn’t last, because darkness was on the horizon and my responsibilities beckoned. There wasn’t room for distraction, and that’s exactly what he was.
Chapter 24
“We should search the garden while we’re here,” I murmured, not wanting to break this peace I’d found in his arms but knowing my responsibilities would demand it now more than ever. Eleanor was suspicious. I needed to get her away from here before she did something reckless.
Shade cupped my face again, tilting it back until my gaze met his. The rough pad of his thumb brushed away a stray tear, smearing it across my cheek. “We’ll get out, Adelia. We’ll get both of you out.”
I nodded, believing his words in that moment, no matter how far-fetched they seemed.
Nathanial was waiting outside the greenhouse door with a curious expression on his face. Hidden in my skirts, Shade’s fingers tangled with my own, and I drew strength from his touch.
We walked farther into the garden, my guard trailing behind us. We passed an expansive croquet field, several young men and women playing a lively game. My eyes narrowed on them; most were close to Eleanor’s age. Perhaps they were the ones causing issues in her classes. They paused to watch us pass, many eyeing Shade with an undercurrent of fear.
The garden was filled with a variety of sculptures, and I subtly reached out to touch each one we passed, checking for any indication it was a trigger, which was difficult to do under Nathanial’s watchful gaze.
We passed under a stone arch decorated with carvings of flowers and thorny vines, to find a magnificent water fountain. A statue of a dancing woman was at its center, water pouring from her outstretched hands. Her stone torso was stained green from prolonged exposure to water, making it appear as though she wore a moss dress. Weeds rose through the cracked pavers surrounding the fountain while large trees towered over it in a spacious circle, the still-green canopy hiding the sun and darkening the space. Behind the trees, a vine-covered wall enclosed the circle, reminding me of a hedge maze, only wilder. It was every bit as overgrown and neglected as the rest of the garden was manicured and watered, and by far, my favorite place I’d seen since we arrived at Prallues.
Nathanial waited at the archway. It was obviously a dead end, but it gave us a little privacy. We strolled around the fountain, taking our time and basking in each other’s silent company. When we reached the opposite side to the arch, movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention. I squinted, struggling to see anything in the dim space, then an achingly familiar swirling in the shadows became clear.
“Have you been doing that the whole time?” I murmured to Shade still at my side.
He nodded almost imperceptibly. “The shadows can hide them, and I can manipulate them to check areas we can’t reach.”
Warmth filled my chest, and I gripped his fingers tighter. Even under close watch, he had found a way to search for a way out, subtly using his smoke tendrils.
Voices rose from the archway and the swirling stopped. Shade’s smoke retreated to his body when we reached Nathanial and the gardener who spoke to him.
“It’s time to go back inside, miss,” Nathanial said.
I sighed heavily and stared at the sky, the sun rising ever higher. Our first search of the garden had been as fruitful as all the searches in the library—not at all. We still had a few weeks before I would be forced down the aisle, I just hoped we’d find one of the tunnels in time.
“I suppose it is,” I muttered, and we headed back the way we came.
Those few weeks flew by in a blur of monotonous days. Wake up. Breakfast with Eleanor. Search the garden. Search the library. Dinner with King Terym. Repeat.
Eleanor never revisited our argument, even if at times I could feel her eyes on me, questions unasked between us. The conflict within me only worsened. Shade’s words made me rethink every decision, so much so I didn’t know what to do. I came close a few times to blurting it out over our morning meal, but I stopped myself every time, guilt ridden.
My favorite part of the day was when Shade and I were alone after dinner. We would talk late into the night. He would regale me with stories of his youth and childhood, though never anything more about how he came to be in the lamp. He didn’t mention his family, immediately changing the subject if I questioned him. It frustrated me beyond reason, but I understood trauma, and his response to my questions made me think it was what stopped him.
I wanted to know absolutely everything there was to know about him. He intrigued me in a way no other ever had, always calm and certain in his beliefs. His stories were entertaining and often had me laughing until my stomach hurt. He showed general interest in my life, so I told him of my childhood and my struggles in raising Eleanor. There was never any pity when I spoke of my parents’ deaths, only compassion and understanding—something entirely refreshing.
Pierce alternated between following us around and being assigned to Eleanor during her classes. His days made it easiest to search, because he tended to give us a bit more freedom. He was our guard the day before mywedding, and I found myself drawn to the dancing fountain again. Something about the cool darkness of the space offered me a comfort I sorely needed.
