“Thank you, Vitali.”
“And ‘thank you, Vitali, for giving me four orgasms, even though I had you at gunpoint.’”
I was cackling, and I couldn’t inhale fast enough to fill my lungs.
He patted me on the leg. “It’s alright, Kotik. Enough for now, but I’ll have to remember later how much I liked hearing you say ‘thank you.’”
20
The New Normal
Every day felt slightly warmer, and the sun remained a glimmer longer, promising spring.
Mama was due to come back from the hospital in three days, and Maxim and I scrambled to prepare the home she hadn’t yet seen. It would’ve been responsible of me to unpack, but her room was still stacked with boxes and heaped with plastic bags. But, in my defense, I’d done a fair job of making sure Maxim stayed alive.
Surprisingly, he had no issues switching schools. Within days, my brother met boys his age from the surrounding buildings and spent most of his time in the courtyard. Of course, this was the opportunity to run wild in the evenings, so everything had become a battle from homework to bedtime. Miraculously, he settled the moment Vitali arrived. I should have found this insulting, but by then I was so tired that I’d take any help I could get.
And then, something happened.
“Here is my cellphone number.”
I stared dumbly as the pen moved in perfectly controlled strokes across my address book.
“And here is your cellphone number,” Vitali continued.
The thing was bulky like a military radio. Though I’d never really paid attention to them before, holding one in my hands was the threshold into a different future. Before, I could live anywhere and do anything, but the telephone was always in the kitchen or in the phone booth. I would always take the bus. I would pass by the expensive stores with tinted glass window fronts, but I wouldn’t go inside—because why would I?
This new life I was already living came rushing at me in the form of that heavy, awkward object in my palm.
“Why did you change your mind?” I asked.
He shrugged and adjusted his scarf, readying to leave. It was early and he had only come by for a minute. Maxim was still asleep.
“It is more important that you can contact me. I’ve got a busy few days coming up, so if I don’t answer, continue to call Misha. I’ll try to be back in time to bring Mama home—but I can’t promise it.”
“Are you leaving town?”
“Maybe.”
“How many roses am I going to get?” I sighed, a wave of regret trailing my words as I caught the brief flash of pain on his face.
“I’ve done a lot to be around here as long as I have, Katya,” he said, pulling on his gloves. “I don’t think you understand how much. This is how it has to be. I cannot change the nature of my work.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, and wrapped my arms around his waist. He flinched.
It didn’t happen every time, but it happened.I reminded myself that touching him unexpectedly wasn’t affection the way I thought.
He still spared my feelings and kissed me.
How dearly I wished I could be a better person, but I couldn’t help the gnawing resentment come out as a sigh.
“A dozen at most,” he told me, pulling me tighter against his chest, then reiterated, “I’ll have the phone on me, but do not call unless you absolutely have to, Kotik. Call Misha first.”
“Does he not go with you, ever?”
He shook his head. “He doesn’t speak English, and he keeps my affairs in order when I’m not around. Someone will always be here for you.”
“English,” I repeated. The only detail I got about the trips, and I was learning that wasn’t a bad thing.
