“And the apartment will remain under Mama’s name. If you decide you don’t like the one I give you, you can come back when the weather is nice. Possibly in July, ten years from now.”
“Funny.”
He stopped moving and turned, appraising me in a way that formed a crumb of panic in my gut.
“You’re drunk.”
What was I supposed to do? Deny it?
“It’s been really tough…”
“Why didn’t you call me earlier?” he asked quietly.
I shook my head, more to chase away the reality of the confrontation than to give him an answer.
“Kotik, how much have you had to drink?”
“Just something to make it easier today.”
“I asked how much.”
“I don’t know.”
Again, he put his arms around me, and I allowed myself to sink into him. Safe. For those few moments, I’d be safe.
“Go sit down,” he said, and let go. “They’re almost done, then we’ll go buy groceries and lunch, and whatever else you need.”
I didn’t. I kept following him, and the pea-sized bit of panic grew as he stepped into my bedroom.
Glass clinked, and I knew he’d seen the empty bottles under my bed.
“It’s not what you think…” I mumbled as he crouched, scooping my damning collection out into the open.
There was a lot more than I remembered. A horrifying amount more. What was worse, I noticed one a quarter full, and the back of my brain prickled with excitement. Vitali didn’t turn, just looked over them, then opened the drawer of my nightstand and pulled out two more.
My shame suffocated the room. I could hear his disappointment vibrating through the silence—then I realized it was me who shook.
“Are these from the past month?” he asked.
I told him I wouldn’t lie—I told myself I wouldn’t lie—
“No.” And then I lied anyway.
He set the empty bottle down and stood.
“Did I do this to you, Kotik?” he asked quietly.
I shook my head, but my tears already gave me away.
“I’ll make this better,” he said, and placed his hand at the nape of my neck, gently stroking. “I’ll make all this better. Let’s get you home.”
The pain pulsed behind my eyes, returning tenfold since thefirst drink that morning, and only worsened as the adrenaline wore off. It didn’t take long for me to start nodding off in the car to a conversation between Vitali and Maxim.
I fell asleep.
* * *
I woke to complete darkness and cold, fine cotton under my cheek, and no memory of getting there. It wasn’t my bed, was it? Too soft. These weren’t my blankets. I let my arm drop and petted the floor underneath, my exhausted brain telling me I’d just seen a quarter-full bottle, and it had to be around here somewhere. God, my head hurt.
