“Why do you need this?” she hissed.
“It was a part of the outfit…”
“Katya, this is for whores.”
“Don’t be prude, they’re all over MTV.”
“Prude?” She let out an exasperated‘ha.’“Yekaterina Petrovna is telling me not to be a prude. Oh, so what, you go out with a man in Italian shoes and suddenly you’re the bad girl crawling toward the camera on national TV?”
I let out a growl that tapered off into a sigh. “Maybe it’s better if you tell me about work. Have you been paid yet?”
“Something’s gone wrong with the budget; they’re fixing it next week,” she said, matching pace with me. “But we keepcoming up short on everything. The doctors are cramming their bags with morphine before they leave for the day. We all know it—but who is going to stop them? I’d sneak some away myself if there was anything left. I’ll have to make do with bandages. Maybe I’ll use them to make a nice scarf.”
“Budget,” I repeated. What budget? The Senator’s paperwork came through my desk as if on an assembly line, and I knew the word ‘budget’ was a fictional term used to buy time.
“They’ll always pay the hospitals, right?” Elena asked as I stared down at my muddy shoes. “People need us. We have more patients than we can deal with—they have to pay the medical staff.”
“They’ll pay the hospitals,” I assured her. “I think our offices will be the first to go, so you’ll have ample warning.”
I tried to laugh but couldn’t muster the least bit of reassurance for her. I didn’t want to think about it either; I was the only one supporting Mama and Maxim. Contrary to what I told Elena, the government offices would never take away our jobs because it would make dealing with Moscow impossible, and everyone knew that the political powers would be the only ones spared if the rest of the public sector went down. Whatever side the bread is buttered on, right?
I flexed my fingers on the precious plastic bag containing the new pants that I’d spent so much of my savings on. It wouldn’t be long until I’d regret the decision.
My office wouldn’t be spared. The hospitals wouldn’t be spared. The schools wouldn’t be spared. The police, already outgunned and outnumbered, wouldn’t be spared.
No one would receive a kopek for the next six months.
* **
About Russia
Ararat- Armenian brandy, very popular in Russia to this day
brat- “brother”
shchi- cabbage soup
About shopping:Outdoor markets in Russia were the only way goods were available for a very long time. “Malls” started springing up under a different name in early 2000s, although indoor shopping centers were available in large cities earlier than that.
About wage withholding: Wage withholding happened mostly from 1993 to 1998. The public sector was affected the most, and some people went as long as 3-9 months without being paid. Some of the hardest hit were hospitals, schools, and the military. Many stayed in these jobs out of a sense of duty to their country and to their neighbors.
Pensions continued to be paid out, and families relied on the eldest family members to survive during this time.
7
The Noose
The water was icy and my hands turned blue as I scrubbed the pan free of hardened buckwheat. A tune I couldn’t place had been running through my mind all morning, and I hummed it just to see if I could remember the lyrics after all. Something noisy was always happening in the apartment, so passively picking up on it wasn’t out of the question.
But right then, it was silent except for the running water and the metal clanking of dishes in the sink. Mama had taken Maxim to school because the first snow had fallen, and she worried about him getting there on his own. I worried about her more, with her bad leg, but trying to convince Mama to take it easy was a waste of time. All of these were very normal, rational thoughts. Until I couldn’t hold it back any longer.
The tears gushed suddenly; I didn’t have a moment to prepare.
I hadn’t even let go of the pan, I just sobbed, uselessly bracing my shaking arm against the counter. I’d been so brave all week, held it together so well. Didn’t tell Mama. But they told us—thebudgets department told us. There was no money. No one was getting a ruble more, and there would be no back pay.
Things were bad, but now…
I just didn’t know what to do. That was it—I didn’t know what to do. Mama couldn’t work. Maxim was nine, for God’s sake. I saw boys his age on the street every single day, stealing and peddling whatever electronics they could for whatever money they managed. I imagined him out there and cried harder until the suds in the sink flattened out.
