Which was fair enough. I had no grounds for complaint. I’d booked a week away without checking with him. I couldn’t blame him for preferring Vilamoura to Midwinter.
But it wasn’t as simple as that.
After consuming an entire bottle of wine, I would normally sleep through the night, awaking around seven as usual, but once Ted and I had made love – which had also been different somehow, I woke to find Ted dressing. Assuming it was morning, I raised my head. But the shaft of light streaming through the gap between the curtains and spotlighting Ted as though he were on stage, was moonlight, not daylight. I glanced at the clock beside my bed on which the digital display read two a.m.
‘You’re leaving?’ I asked, not quite sure what was going on as I switched on my bedside lamp.
Ted was visibly startled. He looked like a rabbit caught in headlights.
‘Oh. Erm. Yes. I didn’t mean to wake you. Sorry.’
I glanced at the clock again, unable to fathom what was happening.
‘But it’s two a.m. Why are you leaving at this time of night? Sorry. Morning.’
He grimaced and ran a hand over his close-cropped fair hair, his blue eyes darting from left to right as though he were searching for an appropriate answer. Then he stepped into his trousers, tucked in his shirt, and pulled up the zip.
‘Erm. The thing is, Lucy. This isn’t really working.’
Still sleep addled, I asked, ‘What isn’t? Everything seemed to be working fine last night.’
‘I meant us, Lucy. We’re not working.’
‘Us? Our relationship you mean? And you decided this sometime between the hours of midnight, after we’d had sex, and now, at two a.m.?’
He coughed to clear his throat as he grabbed his tie from the back of my dressing table chair, and folded it up before pushing it into his trouser pocket.
‘I couldn’t sleep. So yes. I’ve been thinking about it for the past two hours. I really like you, Lucy. You know I do. But something’s been different for the last few weeks. It feels as if … we’re drifting along but not going anywhere. And then there’s this thing of yours about planes. I’m not sure what to do with that.’
‘Planes? Oh, my fear of flying, you mean. Why’s that suddenly a problem?’ I raised myself onto my elbows and glared at him. ‘We’ve been dating for well over a year and it hasn’t been an issue until now.’
‘Let’s not make this any more difficult than it needs to be.’ He picked up his jacket and slung it on. ‘It’s an issue because you kept it from me. I did wonder why you and Erin went down to Bournemouth for a week last summer and not abroad, but when me and my mates flew off to Barcelona for Jerry’s stag weekend, you never said you were afraid to fly. When you told me about it at the new year, I was shocked. And now with this cottage break thing, it got me thinking. I don’t want to spend my holidays in the UK. I want to go abroad.’
‘I want to go abroad too. But via the Channel tunnel, or by ferry, or on a cruise ship, not by plane.’
He shrugged. ‘Yeah well. Good luck with that. Sorry. That sounded mean. I don’t want to fall out with you, because I meant it when I said I really like you. But … I think we want different things. For example, you want to rent a country cottage and take long walks by the sea and listen to the rain. I want to stay in a five-star hotel, with a heated pool, and a golf course. And I only realised that tonight. As weird as that seems.’
I couldn’t argue with that. I only realised tonight that I’d booked that break to try to save our relationship, even though I knew Ted wasn’t a fan of the countryside.
‘It’s not weird.’ I shook my head and sighed loudly. ‘You’re right. Things have been different between us since New Year’s Eve. I’ve felt it too. But were you intending to simply skulk off into the night without telling me?’
‘No.’ He was clearly offended by that allegation. ‘I just decided that if I didn’t go now, I might not want to go. I was going to leave you a note in the kitchen.’
‘Oh really.’ That was almost as bad. ‘And what was this note going to say?’
He shrugged once again. ‘That I had to go but that I’d call you.’
‘Oh I see. Not, “Hey. It’s over. See you around.” Or something like that?’
‘No. I just didn’t want any drama, that’s all. And I didn’t want to spoil your week away. I thought I’d leave it vague and then, once you get back from … wherever that place was, and I get back from Portugal, we’d meet up and … break up then. Probably. Unless I felt … erm. Differently by then.’
‘Ah. Keeping your options open. Very wise. But this isn’t just about how you feel, Ted. This is also about me. Why couldn’t we have simply had a conversation about it over breakfast?’
He smiled sheepishly. ‘I suppose that would’ve been the right thing to do. But I was feeling guilty. And as I said, I didn’t want any drama. Sorry, Lucy. I should’ve thought about your feelings, not just mine.’
I could see he was telling the truth and although this wasn’t how I would’ve ended our relationship, there was no point in prolonging the inevitable.
‘That’s okay, Ted. I understand. This might be because I’m still half asleep, but it’s fine. You go. And don’t worry about calling me.’
