Ted lived for his work and rarely, if ever, took time off. Not only was he on the partner-track at one of the largest accountancy firms in Kingston upon Thames, where we lived, he also did the accounts for several friends who ran small businesses but couldn’t afford the hourly rates charged by the prestigious firm of SKM. The firm, like many other accountancy firms, used an abbreviation of the partnership name. But the partners of SKM had good reason. Sampson Krappe Moore didn’t have quite the same ring. Even if it did make me and Erin giggle.
Ted did tell me, the day we met, that his work came first. It was one of the things that attracted me to him. In addition to his good-looks. I’ve always liked a man with a strong work ethic, and it was apparent from that very first night, that Ted had his future career path mapped out. But I foolishly thought that, as our relationship progressed, he would want to spend a little more time with me. If anything, we spend less time together now. Although, with the tax deadlines at the end of January, I understood that November, December, and January were busy months for him. But we’d been dating for a year last November, and after his promise on New Year’s Eve, plus his suggestion that we should go away together, one of us had to book a getaway, so it might as well have been me. Especially as Ted hadn’t mentioned it since.
But I’d booked this romantic break the day before, yet I still hadn't summoned up the nerve to tell Ted what I’d done.
And that wasn’t just because I knew Ted was a workaholic. He also loved city-life – and the hamlet of Midwinter, where we were going for our romantic break, consisted of three cottages high up on Midwinter Ridge, and a farm in the valley below. Not exactly what one might call, buzzing.
However, the nearby town of Fairlight Bay, situated on the seaward side of Midwinter Ridge, had lots to offer.
And I should know. It’s where I fell in love for the first time, ten years ago.
And where I made the biggest mistake of my life.
Which was why I had been having doubts about the romantic break I’d booked for me and Ted.
Why had I picked Midwinter? Out of all the places I could’ve chosen for a romantic week away – why there?
Was it because one of the results of the search I’d done for ‘idyllic country cottage getaways in the UK,’ listed Fairlight Bay as the place that offered everything I was looking for? Albeit on page five of those search results. Or was it because I had actively scrolled through each page of results until I had spotted the words, ‘Fairlight Bay’?
Had I done it subconsciously?
I’d had a couple of glasses of wine at lunch yesterday. Had that impaired my thought process?
All I can say for certain is that the moment I saw the words, ‘Fairlight Bay,’ my heart gave a little leap, a warm flush spread over me, and a twinge of excitement swept through me.
I’d clicked on the link, scanned the list of rental properties available for the dates I’d wanted, seen the cottage on Midwinter Ridge on the cute little lane with a babbling brook a mere stone’s throw away, and typed in my credit card details within a matter of minutes.
And then came the downer.
The cottage might be perfect for me, but was it perfect for Ted? I loved the countryside; Ted – not so much. He preferred the city.
And was it wise to return to somewhere so close to Fairlight Bay after all these years? Would being in the place where I’d thought I’d met the love of my life, drag up all the pain and heartache I’d tried so hard to put behind me?
And what would I do if – by some quirk of fate – I bumped intohim? The man who smashed my heart to smithereens.
I’d convinced myself that I was over him, but was that true? Would I ever get over him entirely? People say you never forget your first love. That was true for me. I hadn’t forgotten him. I’d like to say that now, when I think of him, it’s simply, happy memories, but that wouldn’t be true. I told myself that I hardly remembered the man. That wasn’t true either. I tried extremely hardnotto remember him. Yet somehow, he still popped into my head every now and then. However much I might have wished he wouldn’t.
Sam Worth, the love of my life; the one who got away. The only man I’d ever truly loved. The one man who broke my heart.
Did he ever think of me? I doubted it. To Sam, it had merely been a holiday fling. He had made that abundantly clear.
‘We’ll be hundreds of miles apart,’ he had said, on that last night we were together in Fairlight Bay. At that time, ten years ago last July, my family was about to move from Kingston upon Thames to Aberdeen, in Scotland, because my dad worked for a major oil company and his new position was based there. ‘Long distance relationships rarely work,’ Sam had added. ‘And we’re young. I want to travel the world. You’re off to university in September. This has been fantastic. Something neither of us expected. But all good things must end, so they say. Don’t you think?’
I remembered every word of that conversation; each one another knife in my heart. Yet there had been a hint of doubt in his voice at that moment and my foolish heart had held so much hope when I looked into his eyes and saw the lingering passion.
But that passion was mixed with confusion and fear and although he had held me in his arms, his body had been tense, and it was as if he was building a wall between us as he spoke. Brick by brick until, no matter what I might have said, I knewI couldn’t break through. I had fallen in love. Sam had been in lust.
Yes, we were young. But at eighteen, we were adults. And yes, we would have been living hundreds of miles apart, but if Sam had asked me to stay in Fairlight Bay, I would’ve stayed. I would’ve done anything to be with him. But his mind was made up.
‘Holiday flings happen,’ he had said. ‘Don’t they? We’d be mad to think this was anything other than that. Wouldn’t we?’
He was staring at me with a strange intensity, as if he were trying to convince us both, and then he looked away into the distance. No doubt thinking of all the girls he’d meet on his travels. I got the distinct impression that all he wanted to do was get away from me as quickly as possible. So, instead of telling him I loved him, I merely nodded and agreed.
‘Yes,’ I said simply, as my heart silently screamed during the ensuing silence.
‘Yes? Okay. So we agree. Erm. If you’re ever back in Fairlight Bay, come and see me,’ he added, the words tumbling out as though he couldn’t say them fast enough. ‘And if I ever find myself in Aberdeen, I’ll look you up. Or in Leeds, while you’re at uni.’ He swallowed hard and then he smiled the smile I’d fallen in love with the first time I saw it, except this time it seemed forced somehow. ‘I’d better go.’ He turned and walked away but after taking a few steps, he spun around and for a split second I thought he would run back to me and sweep me up in his strong arms. But he stood his ground. ‘I wish things could be different,’ he had said, his voice cracking as if he actually cared. ‘You’re … you’re special, Lucy. I won’t forget you.’
‘I’ll never forget you, Sam,’ I said. I desperately wanted to say that things could be different if we wanted them to be, but I couldn’t seem to get the words out, and he abruptly turnedand marched off, my heart breaking and tears rolling down my cheeks as I watched him walk away.
