I stared down at my comforter, debating on honesty, and nodded.
I knew it made me look crazy. Not many things could makepeople scream like that in their sleep. You were either dying or remembering.
A sharp stab of guilt moved through me.
Daphne had shared so much about her life with me.
The ugly, raw parts.
And all I’d given her in return were half-truths and deflections.
Carefully chosen fragments of my life that kept the real story buried deep.
But my secrets weren’t public like hers.
The only people who knew about them were the ones who’d been there. Who’d watched and done nothing.
For fourteen years, my father, along with those around him, had told me I was evil and bound for hell before I even knew what hell was. They’d said something inside me was rotten.
While those voices were gone, I sometimes still believed them.
“Was it a nightmare about Enzo?” Daphne asked.
“Yeah,” I lied.
She reached across the space between us to wrap her hand around mine, squeezing it. “I wish I could tell you it’ll get better, but it probably won’t.” She gave my hand another squeeze. “But I’m here for you.”
My eyes widened. “It won’t get better, even after I become a Fawn?”
“Honestly, I don’t know.”
“Did Clarissa’s life get better once she agreed? Did she have nightmares too?”
“Clarissa had nightmares about a lot of things.”
“What really happened to her?”
“I’m not sure.” Daphne gave a small shrug, sadness spreading over her tired face. She looked like that question was the one that haunted her at night. “I wasn’t in the room when she jumped.”
“Did she really jump?”
Her voice lowered back to a whisper. “I don’t know.”
“Why do people suspect Enzo did it?”
“She was his Fawn, and he was making her life hell. That’s also what Jett told anyone who’d listen to him rant about it.”
“The first night, you said, ‘Ugh, blame it on Enzo’s crazy ass.’”
She took a second to run the sentence back in her mind. “I hold him responsible for the emotional hell he put her through. Deep down, do I think he pushed her out the window?” She shook her head slowly.
My shoulders suddenly felt a tiny bit less tense.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if Jett was involved and then blamed Enzo.” Her weary eyes slid to the window. “We’ll never know, though.” Her voice sounded distant, almost whimsical, like she was speaking to herself. “I do know one thing. If I had to deal with Jett and their father on a regular basis like Clarissa did, I’d want to jump out the window too. Clarissa was too nice for her own good.” Her voice started breaking, and she cleared her throat. “I miss her.”
I flung my comforter off my body to stretch out and hug her. “I’m so sorry, Daphne.”
In that instant, I knew I needed to be a better roommate to her. A better friend.
