Prologue
Sophie
Rain pitter-pattered against the windshield, smearing the world in shadows. Up ahead, a bridge began to emerge in the darkness and I wondered how much longer this drive would take. I pulled my gaze from the wet road and took in the sweat gathering at Jonathan’s temples, his white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel.Mysteering wheel, since his car had been sabotaged by his psychotic ex. I took a deep breath and stared back out the window, grateful for the crunch of the tires and the squeaking windshield wipers distracting me from how furious I felt.
There was nothing around, just trees hunched along the riverbanks and wind whipping against metal.
The mood echoed the sentiment deep inside my heart. I felt exhausted, hurt, and somewhat strung along on a ride I’d never wanted to get on in the first place. Yes, I was chaotic, but I liked the opposite in my men and relationships. And ever since Jonathan and I had gotten back together two years ago, it had been messy and outright nuts with my boyfriend’s emotionally unstable ex.
My friend Violet, whose patients were some of society’s most unhinged, had only heard about twenty seconds of my ranting beforeshe came to the conclusion that Jacqueline Madoc-Caldwell had to be certifiably crazy.
Yet, there she was, roaming this world and causing havoc, and the worst part was that Jonathan was letting her. Yes, I understood that they shared a child, but couldn’t he see that she was hurting Kai? Hurting me?
Jonathan was my first crush. My first love. It wouldn’t be easy, but I was starting to think it was time to cut the cord once and for all. Violet was right when she claimed I’d been hanging on to my first-love feelings for way too long, forgetting myself and my well-being along the way.
“Jonathan, we really need to talk,” I started slowly. “This cannot go on. Both of us know it, and it’s time we face it.”
“I disagree. I know you’re the best thing for me.”
I shook my head.
“There’s a saying I read somewhere that if you get on the wrong train, you should get off at the nearest station. The longer it takes us to get off, the more expensive, and, um, complicated the return trip will be and?—”
“Gosh, Soph. Another metaphor?”
I sighed. “Yes, because I’m starting to feel like we’re pretending there isn’t a problem when we both know there is. We cannot go back to the way we were before everything with Jacqueline happened. I was eighteen then, too young and naive to know better, but now I know what I want, and this isn’t it.”
“Are you telling me I’m not what you want, Soph?” he asked, his tone slightly bitter.
I shrugged. “I don’t want this mess. I have enough chaos in my professional life. I’d like my personal one to be more… calm and steady.”
“Well, talk about hurting a man’s ego,” he retorted dryly. “You’re the only person on this planet to leave me speechless and make my heart stop at the same time.”
“Please.” I scoffed.
“You’re the best thing that has happened to me. You’re patient andsupportive,” Jonathan muttered, a dark expression dominating his features. He’d been in a foul mood all week, and it made me wonder if there was something more going on that he wasn’t telling me.
“I’m tired of being patient,” I retorted. “And I’m tired of this triangle.”
“There is no triangle, Soph.”
“It is when Jacqueline calls every day,” I pointed out. “And I’m sorry, but what woman requests her ex’s sperm so she can give her kid another sibling? It’s the twenty-first century, has she never heard of a modern family? She can go meet someone else! Have their kid!” I clenched my eyes shut, annoyed that I was getting worked up when the truth was I hardly cared at all anymore.
He let out a heavy sigh. “It’s unorthodox; however?—”
“It’s freaking nuts. There’s no ‘however’ to it, Jonathan.”
“I did tell her she was out of her mind,” he protested. “And I’d never do that to you.”
“And there’s the fact that she’s your ex, yet she calls you more than I do.”
“You could always call me more.”
I let out an exasperated sigh. “That’s not the point and you know it. It’s always something with her, and you’re just entertaining it.”
“My lawyer says Jacqueline’s using that control as a tactic to keep me in court and cause trouble.”
“Maybe,” I agreed, cracking the window slightly and letting the cool October air seep into the car. I reached forward to turn up the heat as I continued. “But it’s always something. It’s been two years of crap. I’m about to turn thirty.”
