His voice warms. ‘It’s honestly okay, Maeve. I’m coming to terms with it.’
‘Thanks for forgiving me.’
He sighs. ‘You didn’t ever do anything wrong.’ He rubs my hand with his thumb. ‘I noticed Fi was wearing your B&Q dress today.’
I sniff and laugh at the same time. ‘It wasn’t ever my dress, Lando.’
I feel him holding me a little further away to look at my face. ‘Have you kept all of them?’
I roll my eyes. ‘They’re in various places around the wedding shop, yes.’
He grins. ‘That’s a relief.’ He pats my skirt. ‘You look fabulous in this dress. I liked when you were trying it on. Afterwards was even better.’
I start diverting wildly. ‘A whole day with Sav, I hope Martha’s okay.’
‘I’m sure she will be.’ There’s a smile on Lando’s lips in the shadows. ‘I’ve been meaning to ask… Did you really kiss me the other day, or did I imagine it?’
My eyes open wide. ‘What kind of question is that?’
He’s biting his lip. ‘The last I heard, I had a one-star rating.’
‘Due to me being absolutely furious with you… I may have marked you down.’
‘You’d have saved me a lot of sleepless nights if you’d told me that earlier.’ He shakes his head. ‘So you haven’t written me off completely?’
‘I could try again to double check…’ I slide my fingers through his hair, pull his face towards me, and close my teeth on the corner of his mouth.
I hear him moan. ‘It kills me when you do that.’
In a moment I’ll cross a line and I won’t be able to stop. I tense a little. ‘I know I’ve had a lot to drink, but I’m not wasted. It’s more a feeling of walking on clouds. That the whole world is spread out before me and anything is possible.’
Lando’s laugh is low in my ear. ‘You’re on a champagne high.’
I’m looking back at the last few months, trying to remind myself why I’ve held back, and all I can see is Fi’s falling confetti rose petals.
I give a sigh and try to get all my doubts into one sentence. ‘I thought for so long I couldn’t do this because I wasn’t good enough.’
Lando is shaking his head. ‘That’s crazy, Maeve. You’re the strong one. You’ve always been so much better than me.’
‘We’re more alike than we knew.’ I smile because it’s funny. ‘We like fairy lights and merry-go-rounds: we dance to the same wedding bangers. Maybe this is possible after all?’
Lando’s chest rumbles as he laughs. ‘If you don’t try, you’ll never know.’
I pick up the bottle, take a large swig and get the last bit of courage I need. Then Lando’s hand slides up my leg and my heart goes into overdrive. As my mouth finds his, he tastes of sunshine and meringues, and then I swing to sit astride him and my insides explode. For the second time in my life he’s here, he’s willing, and there’s no reason whatsoever to hold back…
A very long time later, I wake up lying on top of him, and murmur, ‘Shall we make a night of this?’
As he rolls me over, he laughs. ‘Sounds like a plan, Maevey. Or better still, why not a year?’ Then he pulls me into another kiss, and I close my eyes tight and brace myself for the nextpleasurewave.
47
The wilderness garden, Nancarrow Castle, Nancarrow, Cornwall
Breathing someone else’s air
Sunday
We wake sometime before dawn and lie on the verandah, our limbs entwined, and watch the sky bleach to a washed-out pink. I mumble something about missing theseagulls, then I rest my cheek on Lando’s chest, and lulled by the rhythmic thud of his heart, I fall asleep again. Later he whispers the words ‘going to find coffee’ and I open my eyes for long enough to see him pulling on his trousers and shirt and tiptoeing towards the steps. And then I close them again and sleep some more.
