The Net Loft, St Aidan
South poles and stormy weather
Friday
When I was actively staying away from Miles we barely coincided, but since we slept together, we’re drawn to each other like magnets. We walk together on the beach, do our visits to the shops at the same time, and lounge on the sofa with our legs entwined. After months of keeping my hands off, now I can touch, I can’t let go. When I’m with him I want to take him to bed and annihilate him. When I’m without him I ache to see him again.
For someone like me, who’s used to drifting through life, it’s all-engulfing. The sex is the kind of explosive that makes me see stars and immediately want to do it again. The man simply turning up makes my knees give way. I have so much adrenalin coursing around my body, I feel shaky to the point of throwing up. When I’ve always been able to take or leave guys in the past, the alarm bells are deafening, but I can’t think of stopping.
If Scarlett were ringing every day, I’d have to dodge her calls rather than admit any of this, but she’s gone strangely silent.
I told her about Tate’s valuer coming when she rang on Sunday afternoon and the sound she made was a lot like that time when we were kids when an ember landed in a box of fireworks on bonfire night and they all went off together. Then she said, ‘My one-time partner is a prize arsehole. Iwilldeal with this.’ Then she ended the call and that was the last I’ve heard.
By Friday, when I close the shop at half past six and walk back to the cottage with Fudge, as most of St Aidan have seen me with my arm draped around Miles this week, I decide it’s time to tell Scarlett the news before she accidentally hears it from anyone else.
I fire down two cans of full-sugar vanilla cola, find a comfy place on the dunes to sit for a moment and call her.
She picks up fast and launches. ‘Betty, what a surprise. I ran into Tate, and now I’m desperate to have sex with him. I haven’t felt like that for years.’
‘Shit, Scarlett, talk about bad timing!’
‘I went to tackle him about the surveyor. Kiera says it’s a normal expression of emotional transfer, and if I do enough affirmations, it’ll go away.’
I’m struggling to keep up. ‘I thought she was a lawyer?’
‘She is. Apparently divorce work is seventy percent counselling.’ Scarlett laughs. ‘My trouble is, when I should be seeing the decree absolute, all I can visualise is ex-sex.’
I give a cough. ‘Well, my news is… Miles and I are sleeping together.’
Scarlett gives a shout. ‘Tate thought you were– he said he talked to Miles on Zoom, and he couldn’t stop smiling.’ She pauses. ‘Areyousmiling too?’
I try to sum up. ‘It’s amazing, but awful. I feel sick when I see him and dizzy when I don’t. And before you ask, I’m not pregnant, because it only happened a few days ago.’
Scarlett’s straight back with her reply. ‘You’re in love.’
‘I’mwhat?’
Her voice is soft. ‘That’s what it feels like when you truly fall for someone. It’s unmistakable.’
‘I can’t be. If it’s that, I’ll have to stop it. Immediately.’
Scarlett’s talking quietly. ‘It happens to everyone in the end, sweetie.’ She pauses. ‘Don’t think he’s too fancy and ostentatious for you, because he’s really not. He has money, and the confidence that goes with it, but beyond that he’s very down to earth.’
‘I haven’t thought about that for weeks.’
Scarlett laughs. ‘Of course you haven’t. Love is blind, that’s why they talk about chemistry. For the first few months the dopamine and adrenalin alter your perception and you won’t see any negatives at all. You’ll be completely out of control, and you’ll lose the ability to think critically.’
My whole body freezes. After what happened with Mason, I need to be fully aware at all times. Every atom of my being tells me I’m safe with Miles, but if my brain is fogged by chemicals I can’t rely on any of it. I might be about to replay the worst mistake of my life.
‘I need to stop this now.’
‘You’ve always been strangely reluctant to let go of your childhood. Now might be the time.’ Scarlett sounds frustrated.
I protest. ‘That’s not fair. Lots of people like fairy dresses.’
Her voice rises. ‘You’re twenty-eight, Betty, grown up things are going to happen. You’ve managed to get four retail outlets and a brand that’s put Miles back in the game in two and a half months. However much you protest, you’re already adulting.’
I let out a groan. ‘How do you know about the other shops?’
