She sniffs. ‘I really haven’t been fair to Tate.’ She gives a long sigh. ‘I’ve been very hard to live with and he was too nice to tell me.’ There’s another pause. ‘People dying is supposed to make you want to procreate, but I couldn’t bear to have sex for months. I had too much to deal with to even think about it.’
I let out a sigh. ‘You really have made Tate do it tough.’
‘I think I believed he loved me so much that he’d do anything for me. In the end I pushed him too far… and I never gave enough back.’
So much reflection is making me think. ‘In a funny way Mum shaped my relationships too. Whenever she had a guy around– can you remember?– the moment it was about to get serious she’d start finding fault with them for the most ridiculous reasons. That’s why I was determined never to be picky.’
Scarlett’s voice rises. ‘How did you not know? That was to protectus. She’d always think she could do it, then when it came to it, she could never bear the thought of imposing a stepdad on us. I suppose she thought she’d have her time after we’d left home.’
I’ve trained myself to talk about Mum without sobbing my heart out, but my mouth is filling with the taste of tears. ‘It’s all so sad.’
I can feel Scarlett pursing her lips. ‘If she saw either of us as we are with our relationships now, I don’t think she’d feel we’ve done her justice.’
That makes me even more sad, because from my side it’s definitely true. And Scarlett’s said that without knowing the part about Mason. As my sister she might have been the natural person to share that with, but even a lot later, when she was back from her spectacular Ice Hotel and Northern Light honeymoon, I couldn’t even begin to find the words. And if ever I had found words, I’d never have found the courage to say them out loud. It was easier to keep everything hermetically sealed, rather than shattering someone else’s peace and risking all the ripples through other people’s lives as well as mine that would result from that.
‘So what are you going to do?’
I can hear her mind working. ‘I’m going to ease off on the dates until I take it all in.’ Her voice hardens. ‘Don’t get me wrong, however much responsibility I’m taking, Tate’s still behaved like a prize bastard. We’ll still fight to the death over the assets.’
I’m blinking. ‘So you still need me at the cottage?’
‘Hell yes.’ Her voice softens. ‘How about you? You made a big impression on the guy from Ground Force.’
I wrinkle my nose. ‘You mean Zach who brings the hay bales?’
She laughs. ‘He rang me to ask why you weren’t at the Surf Shack on Saturday.’
I roll my eyes. ‘Something came up.’
‘He wanted your number, but I told him to ask you himself.’ She’s laughing more. ‘Expect another hay delivery any day. And make sure you keep this Saturday free.’
I’m shaking my head. ‘I’m flat out here. I can’t see I’ll make the Surf Shack any time before September.’
Her voice rises. ‘Flat out with what? That doesn’t sound like you.’
It isn’t like me. Since I came to St Aidan it’s like someone else has taken over my body. But I can’t get into that now, and by the time she comes back it’ll all be over anyway.
‘It’s nothing important. Talk to you tomorrow?’
I end the call and slide my phone back in my pocket, and turn back to Miles who’s got his incredulous face on.
‘Zach rang New York to ask for your number?’
I look at the ceiling. ‘I should have put her on speakerphone then you could have joined in properly.’
He gives a guilty shrug. ‘No need, even when Scarlett’s channelling her softer side she still shouts.’ He looks thoughtful. ‘I may have misjudged her– she’s more self-aware than I realised.’
It’s funny that I’ve got so old before it’s hit me. ‘Scarlett’s always been the strong one. She’s been the parent, and I’ve acted like the child. It’s sad that it’s taken her split to make her vulnerable, but it’s more balanced now. She’s leaning on me rather than always being the other way around. And it’s great that we’re talking more.’
‘But not sharing so much that you’ve told her about the business.’
I pull a face. ‘I’m workingtowardsgrowing up. I didn’t say I’m already there.’
Miles smiles back. ‘I know you’ve thrown yourself into getting the shops ready, but you owe it to Scarlett and your mum. Saturday night, we’re going to the Surf Shack.’
Just when I think the worst it gets is Miles finding my secret bedroom, it goes downhill a whole lot further.
46
